3 Misconceptions about Loving Female Led Relationships

The term Female Led Relationship (FLR) appeared first within the context of the BDSM community but its members distorted the term so much that I felt it was necessary to redefine it and clarify how their definition was destructive to women. I decided to add the qualifier ‘loving’ to the title to differentiate it from the male centric fodder I learned about while studying within the context of the BDSM community.

Here are 3 common misconceptions about LOVING Female Led Relationships (Loving FLRs) that no woman should ignore. If a man requests a Female Led Relationship and does not use the word LOVING, then ask him – Which kind of FLR do you want? If he doesn’t use the word LOVING, he wants abuse.

Misconception 1 : A Loving FLR is a gender role reversal in relationships.

Women are not mandated to wear the ‘pants’ in the relationship, become the breadwinner or sit idly by while the man does the cooking, cleaning and all of the housework. In a Loving FLR women can determine what they want their relationship to be like and openly discuss it with their partner. Their needs will be heard and respected even if they decide that they want to be the homemakers and defer to his decisions on important matters. A Loving FLR is about empowering the woman to be heard and have the relationship she wants. It is not about enacting the male fantasy of being the house husband.

Misconception: A Loving FLR is centered around controlling the man.

The BDSM community introduced the idea that if a woman is strong and dominant then she must desire to control her partner, restrict his choices and be ready to hand down punishments when he does not comply. This is hogwash. No LOVING woman wants to intentionally hurt her partner, physically abuse him or control his every decision. This idea that women who are strong enjoy controlling men is damaging to women.

Women in Loving FLRs want to express love to their partners by supporting their dreams, showing them appreciation and honoring their feelings. Loving FLRs do not include control or abuse.

Loving FLRs are about empowering the WOMAN and not controlling the man. If your FLR is centered around controlling the MAN, it is NOT a Female Led Relationship.

Misconception: A Loving FLR is encourages women to be selfish and disregard the man’s feelings.

Disregarding the man’s feelings in favor of her own selfish desires is a masochistic man’s fantasy. A woman in a Loving FLR leads the relationship by expressing what she wants openly and allowing her partner to support her desires. He supports her desires because he trusts that her decisions are for the betterment of their family.

When a man is the so-called leader in the family and he decides to hurt the woman intentionally, punish her physically when she does not live up to his expectations, cheat on her without regard to her feelings, control the way she dresses and who she interacts with, demand that she do all of the housework alone or force her wear a device that restricts access to her body parts – we consider this type of relationship to be ABUSIVE.

Why would a woman in her right mind ever want to be abusive to a man that she loves? A woman with a sound mind and loving nature in her heart would NEVER want to treat a man she loves in this way. Why would any man expect this of a woman? He will only expect to be abused if he enjoys abuse. If he enjoys abuse he needs to pay someone to abuse him instead of trying to convince naturally loving women to become abusive to satisfy his masochistic urges.

A woman in a Loving Female Led Relationship is loving. She is responsible for the well-being of her family, for making sure her husband feels loved, and for the overall satisfaction of her household. She sets the pace for the progress of the relationship. She sets the vision for the relationship and works together with her partner as a team to ensure that her vision comes to pass.

Do you want to discuss Loving FLRs in detail with a woman who wrote the book on Loving FLRs? Try out our FLR Coaching By Email Program. Wisdom at your pace, direct to your inbox.