5 Signs You Are Not Ready for a Relationship

You may have long imagined that you have met the love of your life and you may be wondering why it hasn’t happened in your reality yet. There may be more to the issue than you will admit so let me offer you a few clues as to why you may not be ready for a relationship.

You fantasize about a relationship but you really want someone to fulfill your fantasy.

In your mind you want someone to play along with this imaginary roleplay you have in your mind. You hold hands. You make love. You have dinner together. You marry. You have kids. Does this seem familiar? This type of fantasy hurts your chances at love because you will likely reject a person who comes along and doesn’t fit into your fantasy.

A relationship isn’t about finding someone to role play with you. It is about building a lifestyle together. You may have had a chance at love but you walked away because the person said they don’t want children or the person didn’t like holding hands or maybe the person wasn’t open to the idea of a formal Loving FLR yet. You are trying to find someone to fit into the fantasy in your mind and no one lives in your mind but you. It isn’t fair to hold someone to that standard and reject them because they do not want to follow suit. You are not ‘meeting the wrong people’, you are trying to control people’s interactions with you and dismissing them if they are not capable of being your fantasy instead of being open to creating a fantasy together.

You look for reasons why the people you date aren’t good enough for you.

I hear this time and time again. Women enjoy listing out clues they look for to see if the person they are dating is not a good match for a relationship. Yes, these clues could be warning signs but they could also be little annoying behaviors that could be changed if you are patient enough to share your thoughts and they respect you enough to listen to you. The key to any new relationship is respect and desire to make things work. If you have your red pen waiting to make a big X over every person who sneezes incorrectly and doesn’t call you as soon as they reach home, you will automatically eliminate all potential partners and still try to blame it on how no one is a good match. A good match is a person who is willing to work with you and respects your opinions.

You are not financially responsible and self-sustainable.

If you are unable to care for yourself financially there is no way you can add value to someone else’s life sincerely. People who have not mastered the art of caring for themselves will not be a fitting partner who adds value to the life of the one they love. You cannot hold your partner to a standard that you have not achieved for yourself. You cannot add value by offering wisdom when things become rough. If you are looking for a savior, you won’t find a lover because you will compromise too much to please them so that they can continue to support you and you won’t be able to add anything intrinsically valuable to their life. Learn how to take care of you before you add the responsibility of caring for someone else.

You don’t really like interacting with people.

Some people say they want a relationship and they think they want a relationship but they don’t really want a relationship, they just like ticking off boxes for life milestones. People who want relationships love connecting with others. They like people. They see the value in interacting. They don’t walk around avoiding contact with people, while hoping that one day someone breaks through their shell and wins their love. This is real life. This is not a movie. No one is going to see you from across the room, chase you and try to win you over based on your smile. Smart people enjoy the company of those who are open to being good company. If you don’t like people in general, how will someone get close enough to you to learn to love you?

You always blame the other person for issues in the relationship.

If you cannot take responsibility for your half of the relationship and you paint yourself as a victim over and over again, it is likely that you enjoy being a victim more than you enjoy being in a relationship. The victim story feels natural to you, almost comforting, so it is easy to slip into whenever you and a potential partner face the slightest inconvenience. You’re not ready to enjoy a relationship, you are ready to feel the relief of it being over so that you can go back to whining about how everyone sucks except for you. You have to be mature enough to take ownership in your reactions and interactions if you really want a relationship.

If you see yourself in any of these signs, it is not too late for you to change. When you catch yourself doing any of these things, stop, recognize it for what it is and then change it. This simple procedure is a skill set that you will definitely need once you are involved in a healthy relationship.

Sooo. Do any of these clues ring true for you?