How Do We Stop Arguments in our Loving FLR?

Over our 26 years of marriage, it has been a very male led relationship. He earns a lot more. He takes decisions about where we go out to eat, going to cinema, etc. He makes financial decisions. He disciplines the children. Etc.

Over the years we have tried a lot of different sexual things. He is more adventurous and more experimental.

Over the past 4 months we have been trying out a D/s Female Led Relationship, with her taking control. We wrote out a contract. Started her being in charge. Her taking more financial control. Her giving orders. Her controlling sex. Her giving orders. Him doing more household chores, etc.

Both enjoy this. But it is difficult to change 26 years of learned behavior. We are doing our best! Arguments are still a big problem for us, though, and threaten to stop the success of the FLR.

It seems very difficult to find anything online about how to stop arguments in an FLR. Everything we read says that FLR makes relationships easier and stops arguments – but they dont say HOW!

So when an argument starts, we both go back to old behaviors. Going in the huff. Being stubborn. Sleeping in separate rooms. Not talking.

How can we transition better from 26 years of male led marriage to a new successful FLR, and how can we stop arguments, quickly and with less trouble?

For example, He says “I want to see movie A or go to restaurant A”, she says “I want to go to see movie B or restaurant B”. In a Loving FLR- She wins. I understand this.

But, what about an argument – well not even really an “argument” – just a “mood”! Where there isn’t really an “argument” over a simple A/B issue. It’s just a moody argument!

She is stressed, he is tired, both snap at each other without even meaning to, it is at the end of a long working day, both are not “on form” and paying a lot of attention to strict “roles” – remember all this is just very new, only 4 months in FLR out of a 26 year marriage.

So – not a simple A/B argument, just two tired and grumpy people, which ends up in two angry stubborn people not talking!


Dear B,

In this case, HE has a greater duty to be the peacemaker. It is HIS responsibility to always keep the peace and to offer her peace of mind.

He can do so by always apologizing first, no matter what. This reduces the conflict and neutralizes the situation immediately.

If he is feeling annoyed by a long day, he must take the time to get his mind right before he encounters her.

His impact on her day must always be on his mind. He has to understand that it is his duty to create a happy home for her. If he needs to sit in his car for 10 minutes before he enters the door then he should do that to recapture his peace.

He must be careful not to affect her energy with his bad energy or accept her bad energy as his own.

HE must be the strength she needs when she is flustered. HE must be her HERO in this case, to BREAK her bad mood and restore peace to her mind.


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