How Does Polyamory Fit Into Loving FLRs?

Dear Te-Erika,

I want my wife to see other men. I just think I cannot be who I am and everything she wants at the same time. I would like to know your thoughts on polyamory in Loving Female Led Relationships.

~R

Dear R,

This is an interesting question simply because it appears that you are anticipating the needs of the woman you love while automatically gauging that you cannot meet them. Has SHE indicated that you are not enough for her or is it your fantasy that you won’t meet her needs?

Why do I call it a fantasy? Many men encourage the women they love to date other men under the guise that they don’t believe they are fulfilling her needs yet, the truth is, these men are secretly manipulating the women because these men want to be cuc.kholds, men who are aroused by the knowledge that their wives sleep with other men.

If you are in a truly Loving Female Led Relationship she will tell you when she is unsatisfied and what you can do to correct it. You don’t have to sit and fantasize about a problem that hasn’t happened yet, unless you secretly want it to happen.

If you do want to be a cu.ckhold because it arouses you to think of your wife with another man sexually then admit it to yourself. There is nothing wrong with having a fantasy yet when the fantasy hinges on someone else doing what you want to fulfill it, you objectify that person.

Should you tell your wife? Only if she asks you to tell her your sexiest fantasy. If you bring up the topic when she hasn’t asked you about it, you are trying to use her as a tool. Suggesting what she should do with HER body for YOUR pleasure, is being manipulative and attempting to LEAD her. You are being a dominant submissive man when you attempt to manipulate a woman into servicing your kinks. If a woman has not agreed that you will dominate her, please don’t try to do it without her consent.

But on to real polyamory…

If you are still wondering how polyamory fits into Loving Female Led Relationships because your partner has introduced the idea of having another relationship while remaining with you then, yes, it is doable.

When you agree to participate in a Loving Female Led Relationship you are indicating that the woman’s happiness is the priority in the relationship and it is the man’s privilege to ensure her happiness. If the woman you love meets someone new and wants to entertain this person romantically you should be open to the discussion.

If she does not have a discussion with you about entertaining a new romance before she does it, it is NOT a Loving Female Led Relationship. If she loves you she will want you to be comfortable with it. She will explain to you that she has an attraction for someone else and she will let you know what she believes it will develop into. She will value your feelings. She will never dismiss your concerns. She will talk things through so that you know that by accepting this desire, you are honoring her more than any other man has ever done and she will always appreciate that.

Will you be afraid of losing her? Probably. There are a lot of What if’s when it comes to love anyway and if you are a worrier, chances are you will worry about this too.

The thing about Loving FLRs that distinguishes them from traditional relationships is your trust in her leadership. You should understand that she has taken responsibility for you and would never do anything to jeopardize your happiness or the success of your relationship. Her responsibility as the leader of the relationship is to protect you from harm. If you trust her you should trust that she would not make any choice that would harm you.

If her happiness is your happiness and she wants a new partner, be happy for her. If you absolutely cannot be happy for her and her new partner, express these feelings to her and see what she says. If she ignores your anguish, you must break up. It is not polyamory if everyone does not consent.

There is no honor in torturing yourself in any relationship. Suffering is not a part of a Loving Female Led Relationship and it should not be a part of polyamory either. If it doesn’t feel loving then it’s not right.

Love,

Te-Erika