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7 Responses to “Why Kink, Sex and BDSM Posts Are Missing From LovingFLR.Com

  • I have been in a female led relationship for about 20 years now. I also enjoy kinky sex with my wife. There seems to be a grey area between being the supportive husband to my wife, who wears the pants in our family, and my desire for some unconventional (kinky) fun mixed in. Here is an example of a grey area for me. I asked my wife if she wanted to have some fun and play a game when we went out to dinner. Often times she can’t decide what to order. I suggested that we play a game where she orders for both of us. She would get to order her first and second choices and could eat whatever she wanted off of my plate, or even trade plates is she wanted to. She loved the idea and was stoked to have the options. I love the subtle public display of my deference to my wife. If a guy were to do this to his wife, how would that be viewed? But if I want to do this for my wife and I “get off” on the public display how is that different? If it kinky?

  • Being honest with myself, I would say yes, there is an inseparable sexual component to FLR for most of us men. There is for me, and there is for the vast majority of other men I have spoken to.

    Now obviously, FLR is a joke if it means that in reality the woman is only serving her partner’s kinks. That is the opposite of female empowerment.

    The way I see it, it is a true FLR if the woman exercises real power on her own terms. In our home, I do all the cooking and cleaning, and I defer to her as the decision maker concerning purchases, household finances, travel, etc. My wife and I have had an FLR for the last 8 years of our 35 year marriage, and it works because she likes the perks of power.

    What do I get out of it? Erotic pleasure. And there is erotic pleasure in every aspect of it for me. Doing housework while my wife relaxes with a book or goes out for lunch with friends feels deliciously kinky for me. Likewise, if I ask my wife for permission to buy something I want and she says no, I feel disappointment at not getting what I want, but I also get erotic pleasure from submitting to her authority. Note that we both win either way. If she says yes I am happy because I get what I want, and if she says no I get the erotic pleasure of feeling submissive.

    My wife understands and accepts that my desire to serve and obey her comes from a place of erotic submissiveness. And I am lucky because sometimes, when she feels like it, she pushes my kink buttons overtly. She seems to have as much fun with it as I do.

    Basically, I would say that our FLR is grounded in my erotic submissiveness. If I hadn’t revealed my submissive fantasies to her, we would never have found our way into a FLR. On one level it is an erotic game. But it is not just a game because for her the perks of power are real, and I don’t just pretend to cook and clean.

    To me the idea of a FLR that isn’t based on erotic kink seems mysterious. I mean, for a relationship to work, there has to be a benefit to both partners. When I do the housework while my wife enjoys other activities, we both benefit. Her benefit is freedom from the drudgery of housework; my benefit is the erotic pleasure I get from serving.

    But if strikes me that if a woman wants the practical benefits of being served without caring whether her partner experiences any benefit, it won’t work. Unfairness is fine if it benefits both partners. Otherwise, it is simply unfair, and relationships that are simply unfair don’t work.

  • You obviously have no idea what being a submissive is and only kinktards fail at not being able to separate kink from FLR. If your wife controls you sexual with FLR she is a service top nothing more.

  • Please don’t be discouraged Te-Erika, this site is a valuable resource.

  • I was searching for an article explaining FLR that wasn’t kink related & found this. Bravo! I did learn this term from a kink site but as I read, I recognized that I grew up where my mother led. My father wasn’t emasculated as some view it. I worked with a woman whose society is matriarchal. The men were like some Pagan I’ve known who revere the female energy.

    I have, in the last few years, posted on profiles that I am more comfortable in either an egalitarian relationship or a female led relationship. When I reopened one account on a vanilla site, I added this on my profile. I’m surprised that I’m getting that a few think this is cuckholding. So time to write an explanation that kink & D/s are separate & can be added to an FLR.

    • ‘The men were like some Pagan I’ve known who revere the female energy’.
      Now you’re talking! 🙂

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