Must A Man Do The Housework in a Loving FLR?
A Loving Female Led Relationship is a relationship where the woman sets the vision for the progress and success of the relationship and the man actively supports her vision. Whether the man does the housework or labels himself as a house husband is not an indication that the couple is in a Loving FLR at all. He could be doing the housework because that is what he loves to do. He could be doing the housework because he can’t afford a housekeeper.
A Loving FLR is not about gender role reversal. When we reverse traditional gender roles as an indicator of a Loving FLR, we are subtly affirming society’s rules for social interaction among genders. Loving FLRs are not intended as a protest against traditional expectations from society. Loving FLRs aim to empower women to create the relationships they really want without considering society’s expectations.
A Loving FLR is about the couple creating the vision for the relationship that the woman has constructed. Sometimes this vision includes the woman deciding that she wants to be a stay-at-home Mom, care for the children full-time and take care of the household duties. A woman who is not the family breadwinner, who enjoys doing housework, baking, cooking and devoting her life to the management of her home can still have a Loving FLR because she is doing what she wants.
It is not necessary to automatically hand off the housekeeping duties to the man in the relationship as an indication that the woman is now the leader. Housework must be done regardless of gender, so it should not be a lesser chore or one relegated to woman’s duties.
A woman does not have to play a man’s role in order to engage in a Loving FLR. All she has to do is decide for herself what her strengths are, decide which responsibilities would be better suited for herself and then her partner, and delegate them. She does not need to live out the male constructed fantasy of sipping wine on the couch while the man in her life caters to her every need and she does nothing.
A woman in a Loving FLR contributes to the relationship in ways that suit her individual personality and considers the strengths of her partner when deciding which duties he will be responsible for. A Loving FLR is a team effort, not a protest against socially constructed ideas mandated by polite society.
He does not have the do the housework to be a good husband but if housework is his strength then that is what he will do. If housework is not his strength and she shares that it is not her strength as well, they can always hire help to ease the stress of managing the home.
She decides. He supports. There are no roles to play or universal requirements to meet except to honor her choices and create HER dream life.
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And this is what THE HUNDREDS of men I’ve talked to have a problem with. They want THEIR kind of FLR, that THEY are looking for,,someone who suites THEIR idea of what an FLR should be for THEM. They might want a role reversal where HE stays home being a ‘supportive’ stay at home man (while she supports him financially) or HE wear women’s clothing, or HE wants a woman to move to his home/town or she etc etc etc. Men say they are searching for an FLR and would do so much for a woman, but when I talk about reality & lifestyle wants/needs, they tell me they are looking for something else where THIER dream relationship of what THEY want happens. So, most men still want a woman to fit into helping him get what he wants/desires & helping him out. Men say that their fantasy or the FLR they want would help the right woman who wants what they offer (sissie maid, 1950’s role reversal, etc) but I ask them if they could give up THEIR IDEA and find a nice, responsible, fairly attractive woman then could he just learn to trust her and learn what SHE WANTS? THE MEN SAY NO, not if it’s not the type of FLR THEY are looking for.
…are You sure that ALL MEN ARE THE SAME?
Male or female, it’s not in your desires to ignore your own needs and wants. Wanting a FLR is alway about what you want, not what someone you have yet to meet wants. Yes, part of the FLR ideal for me is my submission, but also my experiences with other women in positions of power, and how it made me feel. I had a young female boss that chastized me aon the work floor then run into her office and cry. That isn’t what I want. My mothers mom led her household of 9 kids, that authority I not only respected, but colored my expectations from a strong woman. Mistresses who were really shy girlfriends worried about how they would be seen, were great failures of flr..
My fantasy desires are going to be why I’m here, my experiences color what I expect. but until I meet this special someone, I really dont know how our real FLR will become.
I’m quite proud of my abilities to cook. My grandmother taught me to take care of 12 at her dining table. My step-mother forced us boys to polish her brass ornaments on a weekly basis, I still dont see why we wasted so much time. I let my personal space become messy ’cause it’s my space, not visiters space. I clean and set up functions at work, have for 11 years. It is a part of who I am…
I’m not sure that a man must do housework.
I am sure that the man must obey the wishes of his woman.
If She decides that I am to do the housework (or relieve her of any other burden) then I will happily oblige. The reality is that some time may be required for that my efforts to be acceptable and pleasing. Hopefully, she believes in me enough to make that investment of time worthwhile
Did you read the following article? https://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/11141910/36-household-chores-men-dont-bother-to-do.html
A quote from te article: Yet two-thirds of women surveyed said they did not want their partner to do more, either because they were comfortable with the balance or because they believed men would not perform tasks “to the requisite standards”.
I ‘forced’ my wife to leave the daily cooking to me. I’m home earlier, I know how to cook, her kids love my cooking. And yet I had to ‘force’ her…
Now, several years later, she is happy, relieved, no longer stress every evening to get food on the table.
Now the discussion starts about the household chores. I’m not going to ‘force’ her on the chores. But I see it gives her stress: the laundry, the ironing. And she does not dare to pass some of the work to me. We had arguments about it… I only can repeat my question now.
When we married, I moved to her town, into her house. I cater for her kids (mine have left the house). I don’t want to stay at home. Our salaries are comparable.
And yes, it is my fantasy to see her sipping wine on the couch
If I would have done what she wanted, I would still sit on my butt and wait until diner was on the table.
Now on rare occasions, I live my fantasy.