My Boyfriend Is Too Passive
We are in an LDR and I keep sending him postacards and letters, but in 4 years he never sent me one. I always organise when we are going to meet next and I’m always the one pushing to see each other and making space and generally time to be together (I’m still in school. 19F, so i have loads of work to do). He is generally a very passive person, doesn’t really go out (unlike me, that unless it rainy outside or cloudy, I want to do something out).
I know for a fact that he loves me, but just takes me for granted. I’d do anything for him. I even (literally) built a real sized master sword from zelda. No piece was already pre-made, everything carved, and cut and painted by me (turned out awesome btw). I even went in the place he lives for 1 day to just give it to him (it was for our anniversary).
I already talked to him, but he keeps saying it’s not like that.
I have no clue how to solve this situation, I love him to death, but it feel that I’m carrying this relationship (romantically wise).
~TC
♦♦♦
TC,
If you believe you are carrying the relationship, there is nothing wrong with that. Is he denying your requests? If not, then everything is fine. Some men are passive and want to allow you to lead them. If you have specific expectations from him, just tell him. Make a list of things you would like him to do to ensure that you feel loved. Give the list to him and tell him that those things are important. I have a feeling he will take the list seriously and comply. As long as he is saying YES to you and not disrespecting you, it is perfectly FINE to lead your relationship.
~Te-Erika
To learn how to become an intentional leader in your relationship register for the Women’s Leadership Coaching Program. We will work together to help you to become the leader you were intended to be.
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It sounds like he is worried that whatever he does he will ‘lose’ you so, he takes the next best route and does very little. In today’s atmosphere most men are viewed in a very negative way. Abusers, predatory on the one hand while sites like this view us as weak, unnecessary and to be used/abused as docile doormats. Whatever we do we can’t win!
Also, big surprise, guys do talk and yes they/we do talk about our feelings. We do it quite a lot as well. So, when you’ve recovered from this earth shattering statement why not talk to him?
No, big no, we don’t talk about feelings like women do. A suggestion; encourage him to talk so choose the right time and place, make sure your cellphone is off as is the TV and radio. Don’t stay mute but please don’t rush to finish his sentences either.
Romance; I could write a book on how we guys can never, ever, ever win at that. I used to buy my lady flowers every week, I wanted to and could afford to. Never once did she say ‘thank you’ and after a few weeks told me not to buy them so, I stopped. About three weeks or so later she was talking to a female friend (in front of me) telling her that I never bought/buy her flowers.
As mentioned we can’t win and the increase in anti-men websites is making the situation worse.