My Wife Isn’t Financially Responsible Enough for a Loving FLR

Dear Te-Erika,

We’ve been married 27 years. I’ve always enjoyed supporting, serving and satisfying my wife. Since becoming aware of the Loving FLR concept, I’ve taken my supporting role much more seriously and am much happier. I know my wife sees the difference in me and is slowly coming around to taking more control over our family and being more assertive with me, she always did in the past but often facing resistance from me.

I would love to introduce the Loving FLR idea to her but have one major hurdle in our relationship; Finances. I’m the financially responsible one and my wife is totally the opposite. She counts on me to handle money matters and to say ‘no’ when she goes too far, and she does that frequently.

How do I give her he reigns, never deny her, and not go bankrupt? I seriously need a way to work this component into our Loving FLR before approaching her about reading She Wants.

Thank you Te-Erika for all you do.
Danny

♦♦♦

Hi Danny,

I understand your concern. You want a Loving FLR. You want to follow your wife’s lead yet you don’t believe she should take the lead in ALL matters, particularly finances. This is where the truth of your relationship’s trust will come into play. If your wife is financially irresponsible then she should already have acknowledged that for herself. Have you two spoken about it?

If not, then you can bring it up in a joking way so that she understands that in the area of finances, you are a better fit to handle them. If she loves and trusts you, she will agree.

Can you have a Loving FLR when you as the male partner have to say No to your wife sometimes? You sure can.

A Loving FLR is about the wife’s ability to lead and delegate responsibilities based on who is better suited to handle them. If your wife is fair and concerned for the well-being of your family then she will acknowledge that finances are better suited to be managed by you.

In the Loving Female Led Relationship COUPLES WORKBOOK, I guide couples to discuss the most important responsibilities that impact the relationship and who should be better suited to handle them. If you both sat down together and responded to the discussion questions honestly, you both should be open enough to recognize that you are better at it and delegate that responsibility to you. For example, you can agree that she can have spending money of a certain amount that she can do anything with, but the rest goes to savings. Don’t think of it as giving her rules, think of it as you offering the wisdom that you have for the benefit of the relationship.

Also, consider the fact that she may design her Loving FLR in a way that suits her and managing the finances and setting boundaries may not be something that she is interested in. She may agree that you can take care of that, as long as she has some money to play with each month.

The FLR Guidebook SHE WANTS is an excellent book that introduces a Loving FLR, yet, for the novice woman who has no concept of a Loving FLR, it may be a bit too much. In your situation, I suggest starting with The Loving Female Led Relationship COUPLES WORKBOOK and then she can read SHE WANTS to gain a deeper understanding.

Remember that you don’t have to formally introduce a Loving FLR at all. All you have to do is honor her choices, as long as those choices are not destructive to you emotionally, physically or financially.

If your wife is truly your friend and truly a wise woman, she will make the best decision for the benefit of ALL involved. Trust her. Trust yourself that you made an excellent choice for a wife. Share with her about the Loving FLR concept by giving her the COUPLES WORKBOOK and then see what happens. All of your fears may be unfounded.

Love,

Te-Erika