Does a Poly Relationship Fit Into A Loving FLR?

I had a Netflix night yesterday and enjoyed an interesting film called Newness (2017). I was wary about watching a love story based around a dating app premise but I was pleasantly surprised…and aroused. The story centers around a young couple, Gabi (Laia Costa) and Martin (Nicholas Hoult), who meet on a dating app similar to Tinder. They are both accustomed to meeting someone, sleeping with them quickly and then abandoning the person; the summation of our digital age’s hook up culture.

When these two meet they actually don’t hook up because Gabi has already hooked up that evening so her vagina needed a break. She explains this to Martin and he suggests that they go for a bite to eat instead. What happens next shocks both of them- they actually like each other! A couple of music laced sequences of them laughing, cuddling and having sex go by and they are in love.

We get to see Martin is an emotional man with strong ties to his ex and their life together. We see that Gabi is into Martin very much and eager to create something special with him. But one night they go out separately and one of them ends up cheating. They talk it out and it seems that they both want some variety so they decide to take a step into opening up their relationship so that they can sleep with other people yet remain committed to each other.

The thing about this idea is- it’s her idea.

You follow along as he repeatedly asks her- What do you want?

Martin: What do you want?

Gabi: I want to watch you get a lap dance.

He gets a lap dance from a naked woman while she is obviously turned on by watching.

Martin: What do you want?

Gabi: I want a threesome.

They meet a woman who is more than willing to have a threesome with them.

He continues to ask her what she wants and he goes along with whatever she suggests. They seem content together and she seems blissfully happy and even proud that she has a boyfriend that she can share everything with, including stories about her slutty teenage escapades. They become closer than ever before because of this newness, this openness. You can tell that she feels empowered by this relationship by the way she carries herself, her level of happiness and pride. Men are magnetized by her when they meet her, nearly falling in love with her on the spot.

She flirts, fucks and has a good time but the one thing that remains constant- she lets every man know that she has a boyfriend and at best they can only play runner-up. Martin’s ability to allow her to be completely free with him, earned him the top honor in her life.

Gabi begins dating another man while completely committed to Martin and ofcourse the new guy wants more than just a fling. Things come to a head as Martin’s emotional demons surface and Gabi has a decision to make.

*No Spoilers*

Martin and Gabi essentially had a poly relationship. She was in a loving relationship with two men who knew all about each other and neither would complain. There were no secrets. Martin and Gabi were also in a Loving Female Led Relationship. He honored her choices to see other people, later admitting that he never wanted any of that- he only wanted her for himself but he went along with her open relationship idea just to make her happy.

When she was ready to choose between the two, she did.

Does a poly relationship fit into a Loving Female Led Relationship? If a couple has agreed to a Loving Female Led Relationship and the woman wants to date other men which she expresses openly and honestly to her partner, he will respect it and support it. If the man wants to have more than one partner, should she allow it? If it pleases her, then yes, it can be allowed. If it does not please her then it will not be allowed.

He will honor her choice because he trusts that she knows what is best for her life and she will not do anything to damage their relationship. He wants her to be happy above all else. He trusts her judgment. If he does not have that kind of trust in her he will become bitter, jealous and resentful. He will no longer be capable of participating in a Loving FLR because he will honor his insecurities over her happiness.

When you want to truly love a woman in a Loving Female Led Relationship, you have to let her lead the relationship where she wants to go. If she wants to be poly, then you are now poly. If you say you trust her then you have to trust her completely.

You can’t pick and choose when you want to honor a woman’s choices in a Loving FLR; you either willingly participate or you walk away.