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23 Responses to “The 2 Basic Types of Female Led Relationships

  • I have a question about this and maybe I just don’t understand. so here is my question. Can’t the man always say yes as you suggest, but still be disciplined if he messes up without it being about him?
    I ask this because I very rarely say no to a woman I am interested in simply because I want to see her smile, but if I mess up, even though I try not, I feel like I should be punished in whatever why she feels is right. I don’t know if this way of thinking is wrong or not and I am just trying to understand myself and why I may feel this way. Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated.

    • “I feel like I should be punished”

      This is the issue. Why are you requesting to be punished? This indicates that you are making this about what you want.

      • My wife and I have independently come to the same realization. If it’s not all about her, then it’s fake.

        It’s really hard for me to hear, because I really want to think in terms of my fantasy fulfillment. You really put words to a lot of our thinking.

        There is no in between here. There can’t be. It’s black and white. We follow our leader. We make her happy. That’s it. If we chose well, she will give us what we need (regardless of what we want).

  • Very interesting. Can a relationship be both of these 2 types? I feel my last relationship was like this. I essentially did everything that she told me to do. It made me happy and satisfied my fantasies too. I wanted her to have all the authority where she could just tell me to do the laundry I front of all her friends

  • I think this article is a little misleading. I believe my relationship with my girlfriend is mainly focused on her happiness. I do not ‘mess up’ on purpose so I can be punished by her. I do make strong efforts to always consider her needs before mine and when she asks something of me, I just treat it as an order. It is to be done. We have a oontract and specific agreements about how things are to be in our relationship. I believe she would say that I worship her in a positive manner.

    That being said, discipline and punishment is certainly an important part of our relationship. This is not to say we have some strong BDSM thing going on. We don’t. But when I fail to do a chore properly or fall out of line with the way she wants something, I am disciplined. More often than not this comes in the form of a stern lecture from her about my behavior and my place in our relationship. But I have done plenty of corner time and now and then, a spanking is issued. I see these as corrective measures that are needed but I won’t lie, I very much am turned on by this side of her. The dominant, strong woman. And yes, there are times when I think she lets me off too lightly. We discuss it during monthly meetings about our agreement. She has never said she felt me opinion meant it was all about me.

    I feel the very nature of FLR’s requires that a man be either turned on or inspired by a strong, dominating woman. I understand what you are saying about it all being about her but as the man in the relationship, I get turned on that she also wants it to be all about her and will do what she needs to do to have things that way, (ie, punishments etc).

    • My sister in law came to stay, she is a bossy woman and has total control over her husband.It was not long before my wife noticed I was looking at her thigh boots and I did what ever my sister in law asked of me, I liked being told what to do by a woman wearing boots and leather my sister in law soon realised the control she had over me. After a few days of being bossed about by her my wife asked if I would like her to treat me the same way my sister in law did, I said yes and will you wear the thigh boots and leather wear, my wife said I definitely will and you will notice some big changes around here, after that the two of them went out.

    • I agree, Tom. This isn’t an either/or thing. A successful FLR is complex dance in which the needs and desires of both partners are, at least to some extent, met.

  • In so many comments I hear men talking about their feelings and fantasies…which is not a bad thing…but I would like to hear about how the FLR has benefited women, what goals they have been able to reach with the support of their man, what empowerment looks like.

    I am all for women feeling power and control in the relationship, and finding their equilibrium there. Perhaps that is the main thing for most women. Is there more?

    Just curious.

  • I’d like to agree with Dale, to begin with. It does seem to be a trap for some men, talking about fantasies. I guess as I am unpartnered at the moment, maybe I have done this myself, putting what I want ahead of others at times… that is a trick for beginners.

    My main impetus for adding to this…that pic with a screaming person, jaw dislocated and the tirade blasting the other with a contortionistic Jetstream. That level of conflict and anger management just freaks my shit out!

    It just seems to me that the fundamentals of a Loving FLR of empowerment, support and respect for each other, is the far more healthy path to a powerful relationship. I choose that path…

  • If this is solely about a woman desires and wants wirh absolute zero regard to a man’s needs wants or personal well being, than wouldn’t this be an abusive relationship. Flip the shoes, if this were a submissive relationship and with a woman and her dom completely disregarded her needs, safety and personal boundaries, we would all be talking about him as an abusiness and manipulative guy. I’m all for healthy relationships any way people wish to express them but that’s just it… an flr is stI’ll a relationship… a female led one, which is still about two people. She should have as much responsibility towards his personal well being and satisfaction as he does obligation over her needs. If it’s solely about her and she uses her power and trust to manipulate and abuse, than she is solely using this as a guise to mask her own selfish demands which is exactly what you say is bad for men to do. Flr are not excuses to neglect your partners needs. Both peoole need to walk away feeling nurtured. I fear what this site promotes is abuse AND control which is not what an flr relationship is about. Sad. Really.

    • You shouldn’t have to “FEAR what this site promotes” all you need to do is READ before you make assumptions! I really do not like men who speak before they investigate the truth.

    • It’s always best to read and consider first. You seem to be anti-abuse and yet nowhere on this site is there advocacy of female wants and needs alone. You are misunderstanding or deliberately not wanting to understand just so that you can soap box on abuse, a topic that isn’t relevant here. I have a FLR and both of us feel nurtured and fulfilled and deeply loved. I can only pray that you find it within yourself to be loving as well. Harping about abuse when no one said what you are claiming is not coming from a place of love.

  • Can a FLR be a blend of the two? A relationship with the female in complete control including finances, where the male empowers her, but with the kink involved. That is what I would like to find.

    • Yes. It sure can. All you would need to do is find a woman who wants that.

  • The articles were very helpful as were the comments. I’m working with my wife towards a full f l r and this site is just great

  • What if I would like my wife to take control but she won’t do it? How can I change her way of thinking?

  • It seems that it takes the most courage for a man to surrender himself to a woman and allow her to take charge. BDSM has limits, usually they are discussed and agreed upon by both parties. BSDM doesn’t take courage at all. The big step is for the man to surrender control to the woman he loves.

    There have been many martyrs who have accepted punishment and even death without being willing to surrendering to someone else. The ultimate submissive experience is surrender. All the physical stuff is for men who don’t have the courage to focus on their beloved’s happiness and surrender to pleasing her.

    It’s time to take the ultimate step. Men have trashed the world and it’s time for the women to step up to bat and give it a go.

    May the Goddesses do better than the men.

  • Kinks are not something to be nurtured. They are places our development has been arrested. Trauma, etc. With a super healthy relationship, those kinks should melt and straighten. You’ll forget about all that junk. It’s very simple. The happiness of the woman is the center. She does not need a man, as we are seeing all around us. She wants a man so much though. A man, not a child she has to spank, look after, etc. To be funny,if you don’t comply with the arrangement, she’s not going to whip you, she’s going to shove you out the front door. If you have kinky needs, you’re sort of lost anyway. Don’t run. You’re here for a reason. Ms. Patterson is well equipped to guide you. Learn and grow, learn and grow Mr. man.

  • What’s the purpose for anybody, man or woman, to be in a relationship where the female is in charge unless it’s purely for some sick form of sexual gratification? You could say that it “empowers” women or whatever, but the truth is that a woman can never respect a man or be happy in a relationship when she’s the one calling the shots. Equality sometimes has limits. Both sexes are equally important for the continuation of the human race, but that’s about as far as it goes. In every other area of life men are far superior.

  • This is an interesting discussion. My wife and I are pretty new to this and feeling it out. I absolutely love my wife and try to do everything she asks in a way that pleases her. There is absolutely nothing better than seeing her face light up when I make her happy, just to see her smile because I’ve made her happy rocks my world. However, there is an element of kink to it also. I think as a male my desires will always lean towards sex, it’s the way guys are hardwired. However, my wife is driving the train and is still in control of anything sexual. She lets me know when she wants it and is getting better at telling me what she wants. I find it sets me on edge an makes me want to do more to make her happy, whatever that is, sexual or not. Sex had always been very important to our relationship for BOTH of us. It’s not an all or nothing proposition, it’s a constant dance between us. I try to constantly encourage/ask her to tell me what she wants. That doesn’t make me less of a man or an abused man, it empowers her to tell me what she wants. Our relationship has become more peaceful because I KNOW what she wants, there is no confusion with me constantly missing the mark. Men are not “far superior” to women, just different. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. James, I don’t think you will ever find a truly satisfying relationship, for both your and your female, with your attitude. You may be getting what you want but what about her. I’m telling you, make her happiness the higher priority and she will absolutely blossom. I guarantee you, she is superior to you in certain aspects. Honor her, love her, make her happy. I’m seeing the positive results in my own marriage, this stuff works.

  • I was in the BDSM scene years ago. I was in a D/S relationship. It was a lot of work. I would say it was a lot more work for the Domme. Die to extenuating circumstances the relationship changed over time where BDSM aspect waned. The relationship became an empty shell. It eventually led to a divorce. I would described it has submissive centered.

    I would caution having a relationship that centered on “sex” alone. I would also speak to experience that the relationship I am now is more D/s than my previous relationship despite the absence of any BDSM aspects. The loving FLR male described above describes me to a “T.” My wife naturally likes to take charge and his very intelligent. Moreover, I would say that both of us feel valued. My wife is every bit interested in my happiness as i am in her happiness. There is absolutely nothing abusive about the relationship.

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