The Number 1 Reason I Don’t Have a FLR Right Now

I know what I’m doing wrong. I know it yet, I can’t seem to stop doing it. It’s a cycle. It’s a habit. It’s keeping me in a repetitive mode that frustrates me and brings me peace at the same time.

I am a relationship coach and I don’t even follow my own advice. It’s kind of wild to me when I think about it. I know my advice works but I can’t seem to implement it. Regardless of my weirdness, I believe you can learn from my blatant disregard for the best relationship rule that I teach.

What is my best relationship advice that I always ignore?

It’s not setting rules.

It’s not being firm.

It’s not controlling his choices.

It’s not even making him earn your love.

The best advice for a woman who is initiating a Loving Female Led Relationship is to be patient with a man you are interested in and teach him how you like to be pleased.

I NEVER do this!

Scenario

I meet a man who thinks I am gorgeous, brilliant and sexy. He wants to date me and see if we are compatible for long term love. I am intrigued, but not really committed because I already know how I am. We go out, have fun, get a little kinky if I want to and then he does something that I don’t like. It could be that he argues with me about a choice that I made or he could say something that makes me feel that I am with a selfish person. Regardless of what it is, he isn’t really abusive, just ignorant of the way I like things to be handled. It’s not his fault, he just doesn’t know.

The WISE response would be to sit him down and tell him why his behavior is not correct and tell him explicitly what to do next time the situation happens. This gives him the opportunity and instruction he needs to please me. This also lets him know I care about him and want to work on things between us.

What do I do?

I tell the men to kick rocks, to leave, to lose my number immediately.

The bad part about it is, I feel as though I hurt their feelings. I don’t like doing that. On impulse, I give up and dismiss them because I don’t want to take the time to invest in teaching them.

This is a huge indication that I should not be dating at all. Dating is for meeting people you may want to develop a consistent relationship with. While I would like a consistent partner, I know that I am not willing to put in work to maintain them. I have been single for so long. I don’t have to compromise what I want for anyone and I really do please myself. I don’t feel as though I am missing out on anything when a man enters and quickly exits my life. But, I shouldn’t be dating at all if I am not willing to work things out. I am not a sadist. I don’t want to hurt men. I want things to work out yet, I am not doing my part.

Don’t be like me.

If you want a Loving Female Led Relationship you have to be patient with men. You have to talk to them and correct them. You have to want to see them succeed in your relationship. You have to have faith that they will add something positive to your life. You have to want to see them become a better man with your guidance.

I don’t ever think this way when I interact with men. I have a short fuse with them, because I have the same short patience with myself. I see it. I have to be strict with myself because it is the only way that I can achieve my goals without support. I have to produce excellence at all times and I expect that from everyone who comes into contact with me or I will dismiss them without flinching. I’m wrong. I’m not perfect. No one is. I’m not ensuring success, I’m ensuring that I will always walk this journey alone because I push everyone away for being…human.

The most successful couples that I have worked with as a coach and interviewed as a journalist have this one thing in common: they are willing to work on issues in good faith that they can improve and enjoy their relationship.

A Loving FLR is about focusing on the woman’s needs but he can’t devote himself to you if you don’t give him a reason to trust that you won’t desert him. He won’t devote his life to your happiness if he does not feel as though you want him to experience the same happiness. He has to trust you.

A Loving FLR works best when the woman demonstrates that she LOVES him by being patient with him and guiding him to be a better man.

I hope I can get this right one day. For now, I’m working overtime meeting with Powerful Women across the world to help them to create strong and healthy relationships with insights from my own mistakes and the most successful habits of happy women in Loving FLRs. Join the Women’s Leadership Coaching Program to discover what’s holding you back from your best Loving FLR and how to transform your relationship into one that benefits you!