What is a Woman’s Responsibility in a FLR?
We often discuss how important it is for men to uphold the FLR concepts of Please Her, Protect Her, Promote Her. But, in a Loving Female Relationship (Loving FLR) women have certain responsibilities too.
A man wrote in recently to say:
I cannot imagine that I’m the only man who gave his all to a lady who then became abusive. With her lover (something this site promotes) she then took every cent I had ever earned and left. She also wrote to friends and neighbors lie after lie; the few who remained loyal were aghast at her comments.
Is it so wrong to expect the lady you give your all to, to at least be decent, pleasant. Not all FLR’s end happily ever after.
This man, who I assume had the desire to give a woman his support in a FLR, encountered an abusive woman who did not respect his support. She abused him and left him. This is very sad, yet, this was not a Loving FLR. He can’t blame FLRs for what happened to him. He chose to give his love to the wrong woman. Sadly, many men are afraid to love freely because they are afraid of being abused. Time and time again I teach men that a Loving FLR is not a relationship where the man has to stay if he is unhappy. He does not have to agree with every decision. She is not his master and he has no part
The right woman in a Loving FLR is completely different from the woman in his story.
A woman who is a great fit for a Loving FLR:
Wants a peaceful relationship
She doesn’t want to fight, argue or have to be demanding. She wants a partner who respects her opinions and wants to support her decisions without needing to feel fear. She wants to feel loved, cherished and protected without having to force him to be this way.
Wants her partner to be happy
She would never make a decision that would hurt her partner intentionally. She wants him to be loved and feel loved. She wants him to feel proud to stand beside her because he is happy to do so.
Vows to protect her partner
Her partner is the building block of her success and she would never allow anyone to hurt him or disrespect him. She makes decisions with his best interest in mind because she is responsible for his well-being. She wants him to feel safe with her and to know she has his back.
Can you think of any other responsibilities of a woman in a Female Led Relationship?
I can.
We will be discussing The Woman’s Responsibility in a FLR during FLR School this Saturday night. JOIN US for the LIVE discussion or sign up to watch the replay if you can’t make it!
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Shouldn’t a FLR have stated safeguards for the one who is submitted themselves? I would hope the higher level FLRs need to have that explicitly spelled out. The male in level 3 or 4 has left himself in a very vulnerable position and so easy to be abused and taken advantage of. I could see that permanently scaring that man for life. He will never be the same spiritually, emotionally, physically and financially ever again.
If you are worried about being taken advantage of in a FLR, you’re having the wrong mindset about it. Men in FLRs are NOT taken advantage of in a bad way.
As a widower I am responsible for many more people besides myself. I can not put these people in harms way to completely surrender to a person that has nothing invested in them. I am talking about college aged child plus a couple children living in the same town. If I surrender myself to someone not related to them what will they think of me? Will they look at me at squandering my relationship with their late mother? Will they be worried I am going to become a burden on them financially if she leaves me? Will they question every decision I ever made as a father?
This is why when investigating a relationship model I look for safeguards (emotionally, financially). Plus I also need to look at my self esteem and how a model looks to my children.
A final thought/question (note – my girlfriend and I are sticking with the conventional partnership model): If the Loving FLR model is a good and wholesome model then why should both male and female tell their children, family, relatives, friends and co-workers publicly right away they are in (or going in) a Loving FLR?
I was in a relationship that had all the hallmarks of a FLR. My now e-wife ruined us fanatically, cheated on me (with her now new boyfriend) and physically abused me on several occasions.
When ever we had friends or family over I cooked and cleaned up while she acted as the host, I cleaned and looked after the kids most of the time. She never apologized once for the 18 years we were married (even when she was dead wrong). Yet she constantly found fault and ridiculed me at every turn (and behind my back) as I found out later from some of our.
I tied my best to make it work and I gave her my heart and she you are saying that this is all my fault???
All it proves is that women can be as just as cold and mean as men.
I know a FLR is to concentrate on the woman. But doesn’t each person get into a long relationship for satisfying their needs for loving, happiness, financial security, emotional support. If the woman in leadership position is not able to have her man be happy emotionality and sexually, be happy with the decisions (and the process that made the decision) made, be happy with his ability to reach his financial resources, be happy with his social life, should he stay in the relationship? As a man I want my needs and happiness to be met better in the relationship than without the relationship. If that doesn’t happen it doesn’t make much sense to stay in the relationship.
You must not have read any of my books. There is no way that I advocate for the type of relationship that you fear.
This is inevitable for 99% of FLRs. Guys who get into them don’t understand the psychology of most women: if she doesn’t respect you, she checks out. And if you’re always available, always serving her, never saying no – you lose her respect.
I’ve seen this happen a lot in real life: guy does everything, she gets bored of him. She dislikes the fact he’s always at her beck and call.
FLR is really a male fantasy: a goddess to worship, she exists to be worshipped by her follower. Real women don’t play that part for very long, they get excited by someone who’ll dish it out as well as take it. This doesn’t mean they want an “alpha” who’ll hurt them, but they want the banter that comes from a guy giving _and_ taking.
All good flirting, all good chemistry, has a back-and-forth. One partner being a doormat is unsexy. For a fictional example, look at how James Bond loves Vesper because she can dish it back.