49 Responses to “My Wife Wants Another Lover

  • Te-Erika, I accept your explanation that our purpose as men is the happiness of our wives, and that we don’t own her (she own’s us right?), and if another partner is what fulfills her and makes her happy, we support her choices. We honor her choices and never say “no” to her unless it violates my core values, or makes me feel bad about myself or my life. this is my struggle. Our marriage vows did not limit her in any way, and included my honoring and obeying her. But I thought we would limit ourselves to each other. Can she, or you help me accept her finding pleasure in another man?

    • Hi Steve. I cannot help you to find pleasure in your wife being with another man. Finding pleasure in knowing your wife is with another man is a kink and most people do not enjoy that kink. However, your duty in a Loving FLR is to aid in her happiness. If you choose this type of relationship you are agreeing that you want her to be happy at all costs. This is one of those costs. If you win when she wins, watching her find pleasure and love is evidence of her winning. Try to be supportive of that.

      • A wife finding pleasure in another man is also a kink……It’s called trollism and is listed in the diagnostic and statistical manual as a
        Paraphilia (previously known as sexual perversion and sexual deviation )

        I thought that you didn’t approve of kink? Or is it only men who are not allowed to ask for them??

    • To Te-Erika,

      If i understand your article on this if the wife wants to take on a lover then that’s ok. I am a alpha male and it is also against my Beliefs. It also states in the article on this subject or Perhaps it was another that I would need to be a sub male. Is this correct, So I would have a hard time fitting in right in with this lifestyle. I am single now and have many girlfriends.Also how is a man suppose to change from who he is at his core.

    • I would tell her to get out of the FLR or you are getting a divorce. Infidelity is unforgivable by someone who is supposed to love you.

  • They all leave me for a real man. I am honestly happy they find one. I do not see myself as a match maker, but I see myself and them unsatisfied in our relationship. I’m always unsatisfied, and worry I’ll be in this cycle forever

  • I am a plural marriage advocate for both wife and husband, allowing for the family leader to have more than one. Unfortunately it is not yet legal, but it can still be worked out privately. And if mutually agreed then both can have more than one partner.

  • Wait a minute. What? So his wife said she wants another lover, and you are signing off on this nonsense. Why even get married if, in the end, you want another lover? That does not make any sense at all.

    • From Wikipedia:

      Open marriage is a form of non-monogamy in which the partners of a dyadic marriage agree that each may engage in extramarital sexual relationships, without this being regarded by them as infidelity, and consider or establish an open relationship despite the implied monogamy of marriage. There are variant forms of open marriage such as swinging and polyamory, each with the partners having varying levels of input on their spouse’s activities.


      People go into open marriages for all the same reasons they go into closed ones (i.e., the kind you’re familiar with), just minus the assumption that both partners will be sexually exclusive to one another. Some people want the benefits of marriage without giving up their sexual freedom; others branch out sexually later on in order to reintroduce excitement and variety and so they can experience the thrill of new attraction and romance again. If both partners agree to it, the arrangement has the effect of eliminating the possibility of either partner ever “cheating” on the other, since “cheating” can’t exist without an assumption of sexual exclusivity. Because the partners in the marriage agree that seeing other people is okay, it’s impossible for either partner to “cheat” on the other. Because they’ve agreed that what they’re doing is okay.

      They still have each other to come home to; they still know each other better than anybody else does; they’re still married. They get to enjoy all the perks of marriage *and* all the perks of attraction and flirting and romance and sex with other people as well.

      I’ve never been married, but I’ve had a girlfriend who had lots of other lovers, both in the US and abroad, and I loved that. And she loved me. She had something with me that she didn’t have with any of those other men, and so it is with open marriage. The partners have relationships with people outside the marriage, but they still have something together that they don’t have with anybody else. And their appreciation of that can serve to highlight, rather than undermine, the wonderfulness of what they have together.

      For what that’s worth. 🙂

  • Greg,
    If she cannot offer you confidence that this man won’t be a better match for her than you then you must not accept it within the relationship. The gift of your submission and devotion must be cherished if it is a loving FLR, and it seems to me that acting responsibly in the face of your devotion should be a fundamental tenet of the relationship. Unless this is a kink that you are in to as well or unless there is mutual confidence that this is just a purely physical pursuit of hers that will not threaten the privilege of your marriage then don’t go for it. From the way you have phrased her interest in this man it sounds like she is looking for a guiltless way to leave your relationship. From my perspective you are being led “lovingly” to a precipice and she may ask you to jump. I can’t imagine that your being asked to take the next step wouldn’t violate a core value or make you feel bad about yourself. Don’t fantasize that you can give selflessly what you can’t give without doing harm to yourself. I hope that it is not too late for your two or that I am just plain wrong.

  • This is crazy this is not a loving relationship

    • That depends on what you love. And different people love different things. Neither you nor I can make the rules for anybody else’s relationship. If you and I are looking at a relationship and you say it’s not a loving relationship and I say it’s not a loving relationship and the people who are actually *in* the relationship say it *is* a loving relationship, then it’s a loving relationship, no matter what we think we do or don’t see from the outside.

  • This is the question: does Loving FLR have any ethics? The decision-making acts of a woman are ethical, or rather arbitrary. Sometimes Loving does not come into the FLR of ethical order. So when a woman embarks on an eternally ruining decision, then a supportive man should protect her and help her make an ethical decision. Can a loving man look at the ruine of a loving woman? A strong woman is Mary Wagner, who after a woman fights for life, not Mistress of the BDSM, who is rich in ruining men.

  • I have to say I am surprised by this answer. I thought this website was supposed to be about “kink free” FLR.

    Cuckolding has, in fact, been a part of my FLR with my wife. It was a win-win for us because we both enjoyed it. She did it because she knew being cuckolded was a kink for me and the idea of sexual variety turned her on.

    However, I don’t think it is right in a supposedly kink free FLR to say the wife has the right to do something that may be emotionally harmful to he husband.

    • If a man knows a woman can experience another level of orgasm with a better endowed male, then it serves the relationship by supporting his wife physical needs and shows his is an all encompassiing love for her.

  • There is no loving when one party is selfish and willing to take more than give. You can put a dress and shoes on a pig, but it’s still a pig.
    They are married . They already took vows!
    To love and honor each other.

    If you want a cuckold relationship that is all good and well, but if one party is not desiring it, than saying it’s ok because your in an FLR Is insane.

    Have the courage to admit you want an affair and you don’t care who it hurts.

    That is not the act of love!!

    Btw, i have asked my wife to cuckold me in the past. She is wiser than me and has declined.
    She knows i couldn’t handle it as it takes special couples to make it work.

    Good luck

  • I totally agree with Tom. A good leader shouldn’t want you to suffer. If she is going to do this I feel she should keep it to herself as much as possible.
    Try to think of him as her just having another sex toy.
    The problem I’ve recently encountered was her wanting another man for me! Rather than herself an I’m just not ready for that but she is kind an encouraging me She says this is just another fear I have that will overcome

  • My conviction is that love is not to be loved back. To love someone is its own reward. I love women and when they leave me I still have nice memories.

    By the way, so far only men have commented. I am curious about the comments of ladies. 🙂

  • Do many females in FLRs want another lover or are they happy with one man?

    • Most women in Loving FLRs prefer having one partner. The ones that I have met, anyway.

  • I had an ex who was going to model in japan for several months and I told her if she fooled around there I’d be okay with it. I secretly hoped she would because it turned me on to no end. So I totally support this and if I am able to find a loving FLR I would be fine with it in marriage. I could also remain loyal to her with no problems.

  • I had to kind of transpose this article in my head, because my wife, years after we married, came out to me as lesbian. Since then, she has asked me to submit to permanent male chastity, and I’ve agreed. Then it became a FLR. I believe at some point she will want a female lover, and I truly want her to be able to enjoy that, and to stand beside (behind?) her for as long as she’ll have me. And I believe she’ll always love me and want to be with me, but I guess time will tell.

    • @Blaine. Very interesting personal experience you had with your spouse coming out as a lesbian. A similar thing happened to a first cousin of mine who was married with a woman who gave birth to two boys.

      My cousin and this lady even belonged to one of those “born again” Christian churches and were married for over a decade. I say married for only a decade because once she revealed her true gender preference, they broke up. Her initiative.

      I am curious however how did the “permanent male chastity” element get involved and how does that change the dynamics of your relationship with her? I am assuming that further intercourse with her is no longer possible, but what is the logic of denying you the ability to achieve orgasms?

      It seems that the two of you love each other very much and I wish you the best.

  • Thank you Te-Erika for your encouragement. My wife has a lover who pleases her, but she loves me. I am happy with this as it does take away the pressure of my pleasing her sexually, which I found was causing me and her stress. We are happy with this arrangement and have found it has made our relationship stronger.

  • I think he should accept it. This is a loving FLR and she should have her cake and eat it too. Deep down beyond the jealousy it will turn you on. Let her fool around and you be loyal and love her.

  • I am currently reading a story on about this idea. Awakenings by Goodhusband. His stories have a feel for the subject matter. I am beginning to feel like I am being givin an education masked in his stories. I told myself that I would tell everyone I could about this author as I believe he has messages that others might find interesting.
    One of his messages is: communication communication communication. Stop assuming what the other person thinking and ask them. And be truthful to each other with your answers. Stop hiding behind your egos. Do not destroy the trust that you had with each other in the beginning of your relationship. Once that is broken it is going to be difficult to repair. Not impossible but difficult. Talk to each other.

  • It would be interesting if you could do follow-ups on peoples stories to see if there isn’t help for others in similar situations.
    Again, read Awakenings by Goodhusband on
    Greg, and most men for that matter, will not have the resources to deal with this situation. It may be a common idea in a FLR relationship but Society is not willing,it seems, to intelligently deal with Greg’s issues. Kick her to the curb would be most people’s reply.
    What most people don’t realize is that he actually loves her and would be miserable without her.

  • It would be interesting if you could do follow-ups on peoples stories to see if there isn’t help for others in similar situations.
    Again, read Awakenings by Goodhusband on
    Greg, and most men for that matter, will not have the resources to deal with this situation. It may be a common idea in a FLR relationship but Society is not willing,it seems, to intelligently deal with Greg’s issues. Kick her to the curb would be most people’s reply.
    What most people don’t realize is that he actually loves her and would be miserable without her.

  • You are so correct in your reply Ms Te-Erika. If I am truly placing ALL of her needs, desires, happiness and success first, how can I possibly object to this? It’s a rhetorical question.. I can’t object to this or anything else.. or I’m just being manipulative. What I SHOULD be and feel and know is vulnerability that can only come when I place her every need first, without exception. When Iam willing to accept her every decision without complaint I am in the place I should be. thanks

  • I fully agree with what Te-Erika writes, IF it is what your wife wants, it is your job to support her

  • In a FLR relationship the woman has the right to take other lovers. Her husband should be supportive of her. Some men get excited by the idea others not. Perhaps, depending on the type of the FLR maybe the couple should discuss the idea, so nobody gets hurt. The cuckolded husband and his wife instead taking the issue too heavily they could consider this notion: if you have a friend electrician who always fixes your home electrics is fine. But one day you need some plumbing work and he tells you that he doesn’t know about it, so you hire a plumber to do the job. Does it mean that you don’t like the electrician? The electrician is not Mr. Everything to know every trade…by the same token, a submissive husband doesn’t mean that he can meet every need his wife has. At the same time would be unfair for the wife not to enjoy sex with a man who can please her. From this arrangement everybody can be happy if there is proper communication.

  • In a Femme-Led Society men can adjust to the idea that they are the followers and remain beta. Alpha males would not come to this site in a first place. Alpha males have a different role than beta males and women always are sexually attracted to Alphas even if they marry or relate to beta males. Beta males however have different place in a woman’s life. It would be wrong to think that because a male is beta is not useful and important in a woman’s life. He just have a different role. Women may have sex or may not with a beta male but they are always -blame on Nature- are attracted to Alpha males. They prefer to have children with Alpha males. But beta males can be good partners, supporters, friends, companions, servants, followers, caretakers and this is great. Society should treasure genuine beta males instead looking down on them. And society should accept that not all males are Alpha. Women can have the use of both for different purposes. A beta husband should not worry if his wife uses the service of an Alpha…Alpha has his place and beta has his own role in a woman’s life, a very important one: make her life easier.

    • Dionn,
      I totally agree With You

    • Wow…well-said, friend.

      It takes a man who’s truly secure in himself (and I’m not sure, but I don’t think that would describe many Alpha males) to see things this way. Bravo, Dionn. Bravo.

    • Dionn,

      you are 100% correct. Betas and Alphas have their place and, in a FLR, the woman should have the prerogative to take advantage of the services of an Alpha to sexually satisfy her and emotionally be satisfied with her Beta hubby.

      You mentioned that the Female might want to have children with the Alpha for the purpose of having stronger kids. Should the beta hubby accept that and should he do his best to raise those kids?

  • If this is what a “loving” female led relationship is I’m becoming a herbivore man.

    This is a cult.

    • It’s not a cult, friend – it’s a movement into new territory. And as such, it involves mindsets and perspectives and approaches that, like the territory itself, are unfamiliar – more unfamiliar to some than to others. And no, it’s not for everybody. There will always be happily Alpha males and happily beta females, and maybe others who for other reasons can’t wrap their minds around sharing their partners. But that’s all well and good. If this isn’t for you, nobody’s forcing you to stay. But you can’t un-see what you’ve seen here, and maybe someday you’ll be ready to open your mind to it…or not.

      “Either way, it’s okay, you wake up with yourself.” – Billy Joel

      If it’s not for you, don’t worry about it and just do what *is* for you. We’ll be here if you ever want to come back. 🙂

  • I haven’t read most of the comments here so I’m not sure what’s already been covered, but I can speak a little from my own experience: I was once (just once) with a woman who loved me and had sex with lots of other men while I was hers, and I LOVED it (and I’m reasonably sure she did too). She loved big black…rooster, if you know what I mean…and would only accept male parts of a certain size, and while I think I’m in the average size range for US males, she thought I was tiny and would have nothing to do with that part of me. 😀 And that was 100% fine by me; I got greater pleasure from doing other things in bed, things that served and pleased her, and if I never had an orgasm, that meant I could keep going almost indefinitely (at least I could back then, lol). But my point:

    After we’d made love, I’d often lie in her arms and listen to tales of her adventures with her other men (most or all of whom were primarily sex toys for her, and in some cases friends as well, but none of them threatened to take my place in her heart) and I would listen and ask for juicy details and all of it just thrilled me. Nothing turns me on like a free, independent, autonomous woman…and when such a woman, whom I know can and does have every man she wants, also wants *me*…wow. That is an honor like no other I know. I was very, very happy then. 🙂 And when she’d take me to one of the dances she loved to go to (I’m not a big fan of dancing myself), I loved to watch her dance with the men there, and I was happier still if she was flirting with them and they were getting all sexy together; I felt proud. Feeling proud to be hers was part of it, but I think it was more just feeling proud of *her* for being the free and independent woman she was.

    As I say, I never felt at risk of another man taking my place, so I can’t really step into the original poster’s shoes on this. But I agree with Ms. Te-Erika that to support her in whatever she wants to do would be the right thing, and that if she does leave (when there’s no need for her to at all, unless Mr. Alpha Male insists on having her to himself and she’s inclined to submit to his desire in that regard), then if she never thinks back on how Greg treated her, and the huge sacrifice he was willing to make in the interests of her happiness, then she is a woman of low standards who never deserved that noble creature in the first place.

    Just my $0.02.

    • Ian,
      that was so well put. I like the idea that you eagerly and intently listen to your wife’s stories of her outside love interests knowing that you are secure and she’s not going to leave you for them.

      i’m like you and probably a lot of guys. I don’t particularly enjoy dancing but she does love to dance. And, when someone asks her to dance, i’m thrilled that she is enjoying herself and having a good time. It’s just a bonus if he or she flirt along the way.

      I’m thrilled that she’s enjoying herself and can have the freedom to be flirtatious if she chooses to do so.

  • This is a horribly abusive article of the worst sort. Anyone that can’t understand monogamy and the joys of it, shouldn’t get married.

    I wonder how many marriages and lives, this writer has ruined.

  • Wow! I love your site 😉

  • Montreal cuckold…..
    Over the last 15 years….I have happily gone from an in charge boyfriend….over 50 yrs of age now….to a bf that she tells to sleep in the other room….unless she “needs” me for more.
    When we go out….she speaks to the Alpha males…..actually they gravitate to her….and I am proud of it….
    She has remained extremely attractive….the local Goddess to some….and I would rather be where I am….knowing some of these extremely attractive men are serving her needs…than being apart.
    There is nothing like “arm candy” on a mans arm….to keep him happy in most ways.

  • This is the USA no one owns anyone. really people. No one owns another human being. And a woman who wants to take on a lover because she says you are not meeting her expectations in the art of love and pleasure well i will just say that is a violation of the marriage covenant and is adultery. There are just as many women who are not good in the skills of love, sex, and pleasure and if you told your wife that believe me you will have a fight on your hands. I bet if you tell your wife she just isn;t doing it for you in the same way and you want to take on a lover i assure you she will find a lawyer real fast,

    • Actions like this woman is talking is causing me to not want to do a FLR. How can a Loving Relationship have infidelity? Did she say her man could find another woman? No!
      If the sides were switched how fast do you think divorce papers would fly?
      Can anyone give me a reason with actions like this to try a FLR? This makes make led relationships look saintly and trust me they aren’t.

  • As we move closer to female-led societies, I believe that we will become much more accepting of the idea that wives will at some point seek out other sexual partners. We can and should strive to erase the negative implications of this arrangement. When the wife chooses to take lovers the husband should offer support and encouragement. With luck, one day the phrase “Mommy’s boyfriend(s)” will be part of everyday family life.

  • Isn’t it irresponsible to do something potentially hurtfull to another person? I believe this is something to be discussed by the couple, if both are ok with the idea of another person then it’s fine. But in another way wouldn’t it be abusive?
    I’m sorry, But I don’t see the “loving” part in a FLR where the other part’s feelings have little or no value.

  • Thank you for expressing my feelings on that the man’s feelings (and happiness and needs) have to be a priority too in order for a relationship to be truly loving. In my opinion 1 partner can not take on more lovers and the other partner not take on any other. I have always believed monogamous relationships are always best.

  • This is a conversation the man should have had with himself soon after agreeing to a Loving FLR. What is his position should this situation arise? Can he tolerate an open relationship in which only the wife has the priviledge to stray? If not, could he tolerate a mutual open relationship? If not, then his recourse is either accept her adultery and be miserable or leave the relationship.

    But if he wants the option to leave, he has to always have a way to access their finances. Because he is due half their money if he leaves and he needs to have a way to get his half.

    So my advice is to get his thoughts straight on what he is willing to tolerate and how he can get his part of their money should relationship conditions become intolerable.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *