You Should Have Asked – Do Men Need Instructions?

A feminist cartoon called You Should’ve Asked By Emma has been initiating conversation around the communication mishaps between genders. The woman in the cartoon invites a friend over for dinner with her children and she is having a tough time managing the creation of the meal while tending to her children. He watches as she struggles and only comments after the dinner is ruined, “But, you should have asked. I would have helped.”

Take a look at a few excerpts from the cartoon.

Should she have asked him to help her or was he inclined to offer to help?

Let’s take a look at these images to  determine what went wrong.

Is he wrong for…

Showing up to her house with nothing in his hand to offer in appreciation for the meal she is preparing him?

Absolutely. A man should never show up to a woman’s home empty handed unless she specifically asks him not to bring anything. At the very least a man should bring a flower or have something interesting to show her like a newspaper clip, a book to share or information that she has been wanting to know. A man should always prove to a woman that he has something to offer. Only users and abusers engage the company of a woman empty-handed.

Is he wrong for…

Sitting by drinking wine while a woman struggles to prepare a meal for him? 

Absolutely. He should have been in the kitchen helping her. Preparing a meal together is a great way to bond emotionally and under no circumstances should a man sit idly by waiting for a woman to serve him. That is disrespectful. Instead he should have immediately joined her in the kitchen, opened the bottle of wine and offered her a glass while he helped to mind the pot.

Is he wrong for…

Seeing the meal ruined, criticizing it as a disaster and asking her WHAT DID YOU DO?

Absolutely. If a situation becomes unraveled in the presence of a Gentleman, he will never criticize her for it and ask her why it is her fault. That is borderline abusive. Instead he should have laughed at the situation, told her that the craziest things happen when he’s around, helped her to clean it up and offered to order from a restaurant that he knows has good food. A man is in a woman’s life to make it easier, to ease her troubles and to enhance her life, not to disparage her.

But the real question is…

Should she have ASKED him to help?

Even though the above standards of conduct for interacting with women should be implied, there are men who have never been exposed to them. We have to be patient with men as we walk into this era of a Female Led Society. We have to take them with us by holding their hand and instructing them on their new roles in our lives.

One of the most damaging issues between genders is unexpressed desires for interactions. We hold fantasies of things we want our partner to do for us and with us and we don’t express those fantasies yet, we hold our partners accountable for doing them. That is not fair.

The woman in this cartoon should have invited him in, asked him to open the wine, pour them all glasses and stir the pot for her while she attended to her children. She SHOULD not have ASKED him to help her, she should have TOLD him what to do. He would have done it.

Women cannot be leaders in their relationships unless they are willing to instruct men on how they want to be treated. Expressing desires is mandatory in a Loving Female Led Relationship.

There is no reason to become frustrated by a man who does not treat you the way you want to be treated during your first few encounters. If he doesn’t know what you like, how can he deliver? If he doesn’t understand your standards, how can he meet them? Take the time to express yourself calmly and with love. A man will never follow your lead if he doesn’t feel as though he can trust that you are leading him with love and wisdom.

Do you need a little more personal support in developing your Loving FLR? Join the Loving FLR Leadership Coaching Program for Women or try one of our FLR Educational Programs. You’ll get there. I promise.