I dipped into the world of online dating as a
naive newcomer. The world, the nuances and the rules of meeting a person online
was brand new to me. My first few dates were absolute disasters but I am
observant, so I started noticing patterns. I realized a bunch of things and
started implementing them. Now, even my friends come to me for help in their
online dating life. Thus, I decided to sit down and type this list of
etiquettes hoping it helps someone.
So, before you hit super like or swipe right,
here are some online dating etiquettes you should follow:
- Catfishing is not allowed
As with most social media platforms, dating
apps too promote a culture of duplicity. This can take various forms, from
creating completely fake identities to lying about how tall you are, and this
phenomenon is known as catfishing. Studies reveal that most people lie on
dating apps because they want to present themselves in ways that they think the
other person will regard as attractive. For example, people will lie about going to the gym often if
they match with someone who’s into fitness. Dating psychologist, Madeliene
Mason says, “Styling your online image that is not a true likeness of who you
are will set your date up for disappointment and you will remain single.”
- Starting a conversation with an emoji is
a cardinal sin
When you start a conversation
with an emoji, not only does it make your match think you have the vocabulary
of a four-year-old but it’s also outright lazy. Also, recent studies have found
that people actually hate the peach and aubergine emoji a lot. Start with a
question based on their interests—you want to start a conversation, not simply
announce your presence.
- Keep the social media stalking to the
minimum
Curiosity killed the cat—and it might as well
cause emotional chaos for you when you spend hours fishing through your match’s
Facebook photos. It usually starts innocently; you find their Facebook or
Instagram account and end up spending three hours browsing through their
accounts and their friends’ accounts or their ex’s account. Of course, it’s
advised to engage in a tame amount of media stalking before the date to ensure
the person isn’t catfishing you but minimize your searching so you can get to
know the person in real life than understand them through your conclusions
based on their Facebook posts.
- Don’t get too deep too soon
Sharing private information right away (where
you live, where you work, your salary, etc.) is not a good idea when you are
conversing for the first time. They may seem wonderful, you may have moved from
flirting online to sharing mobile phone numbers, but be careful until you
really get to know them and figure out what their real intentions are before
sharing too much. As fun online dating is, there are people who are only
looking to scam and are experts in weaning personal information out of others.
- Be genuine and authentic
You need to be truthful about yourself and
your interests. The person you are online should match with who you are in real
life. The world sets too many standards for us, but if you’re a man and you
like gardening, share it on your bio; if you’re a woman and you like cars,
don’t be afraid to tell your match. You can only lie for so long—especially if
the date turns out to be great and you want more.
- Keep an escape routine on hand
You might match with them, the conversation
may have flown smoothly through texts but the reality is a bit different. You
meet them and you realize it is much too awkward and you can’t imagine spending
another 30 minutes with them. In these kinds of situations, you need to keep an
exit strategy on hand. Remember to be polite (“This was a great date but my
cab’s waiting for me”), don’t tell over-the-top lies (“My cousin’s pet goldfish
died”) and don’t ever dine and dash (“I was gonna pay through telepathy”).
- Sexting is a no-no
This is self-explanatory, but I mention it
anyway. Not everyone is looking for casual sex through dating apps and not everyone
appreciates a barrage of questionable emojis in their inboxes. It is
inappropriate if you just know them for a day and chances are, you may get
reported and then kicked out of the app altogether.
- So is ghosting
If aubergine emojis are inappropriate, so is
not replying and backing out of dates at the last minute. If you can’t go, or
you don’t want to interact with someone anymore, let them know. Don’t keep them
hanging on just because you lost interest. Honesty is appreciated, keep your
word and be upfront about the reason why.
- Waiting games aren’t fun
While it may sound tempting, it’s recommended
to not play games with your match when it comes to communicating with them,
that is, choosing to delay responses so you don’t seem desperate. While you may
not want to labelled as too keen, it still sets a toxic criterion if you’re
consumed over such irrelevant things so early on. Just reply back when you the
time and the right answer.
- Remember that they aren’t real until you
meet them
As wonderful as their profile pic, bio or
conversation may be, remember that the person you’re interacting with isn’t
actually real until you meet them. Try to remind yourself this when the
excitement starts to build and you start to wonder if this person could be “the
one”. Be open, be real and be genuine—but also protect your heart and never
forget that you need to meet them in person if you do want to figure out if it
will work for you and them.
