How To Make a Long Distance Relationship Work

We are so lucky to live in the digital age because technology increases our chances of meeting potential partners, finding others who share our passions and forming long term friendships. It is not uncommon to meet someone online and want to pursue a relationship with them even though you are physically apart. There is absolutely nothing wrong with developing and maintaining a romance that spans hundreds of miles. In fact, a romance can flourish despite the distance when you are sure to pay attention to these important points.

Make a plan for in-person get-togethers.

When you are attempting to engage in a relationship with someone who does not live near you, you may want to give up because when your friends are out with their partners, your relationship will begin to feel fake to you.

Just because you have a relationship that is primarily digital, doesn’t mean it is any less real. You can fall in love. You can feel strong emotions. You can experience the pleasure of hearing their voice and seeing their face. All of it is real and valid. You should make a definite plan for seeing each other to eliminate the frustration. When you know that you will meet up once a month, or every other month, you can alleviate the feeling of longing and replace it with eager anticipation. Make a steady plan to meet and honor it.

Express how you feel.

It is easy to believe that the person you love can’t really feel the same way about you because you haven’t spent much time together in person. That is not true. Love is energy. Energy can be passed through digital means just as strongly as electricity is passed along. You have to honor your feelings, both good and bad and share them with your partner.

Being emotionally intimate without physical intimacy has its own brand of passion. You really learn who a person is when they can listen to your thoughts and you know they really care. When you are in love with someone across a distance, all you have is communication so you become more open, more in tuned and closer than any physical act could allow. Open up and share your most intimate thoughts often. You will come to feel safe with this person who wants nothing more than to be there with you as closely as they can by listening to you.

Ask for what you want.

Most long distance relationships fail because one person has a desire and withholds it from their partner. Then they become frustrated because they don’t get what they want. How can someone please you if you don’t tell them how to please you?

It’s okay to say-

• I want a text message from you when you wake up in the morning.
• I want to web cam with you before you go to bed at night.
• Please send me a letter in the mail so that I feel connected with you physically.
• It makes me feel happy when you check on me through text throughout the day.

Tell your partner how he can please you and hold him accountable for doing it. If he becomes lazy or ignores your requests repeatedly then you know that he is not a good partner for you. Never nag him or become irate because your requests have not been met. If he does not want to take the time to honor your requests then he does not want to please you. If your happiness is not that important to him then that is a trigger for letting him go- emotionally.

You should never have to beg someone to take you seriously. A good partner takes your requests seriously, especially if you are not infringing on his safety or time at work. As long as your requests are reasonable, there is no reason why you should hold back on telling him exactly how to make you feel valued in the relationship. He may surprise you and do those things just right, further letting you know that you made a good choice to engage with him despite the long distance.

Be a friend to the person you love.

It is so easy to raise the bar and offer higher standards and demands to the one you love. You may feel that they should be obligated to do more for you and be more to you because you love them. The truth is, a friendship is the best kind of love you could have.

Think about how you interact with your friends. If you text your friend and she doesn’t reply, do you punish her by not speaking to her for a week? Do you automatically assume that she is cheating on you? Do you become upset and sulk about it? No, you don’t. You love your friend and you trust her and you assume she’s busy and will get back to you later. You allow your friends to tell you No, to not call back when they say that they will and to have opinions that do not align with yours. You appreciate them for being different and for being someone who chose you as a friend. Give this person the same respect.

There is a comfort that exists between friends that seems to disappear when a romantic relationship forms. Take off your leash. At the root of things you are a friend to this person. Allow them room to live their lives, understanding that you are an important part of that and they will get include you as soon as they can.

Allow them the space to go out, have fun and create interesting stories to share with you and you do the same. Create crazy adventures in your town. Start a movement. Take a new class. Build a life that they are excited to hear the details of. Your job is to make this person feel so free and safe with you that they cannot create this feeling with anyone else.

Ask your partner what you can do to show them you love them.

Sometimes we are so caught up in making sure that our needs are met, that we forget that the person we care about has needs too. Instead of making a daily list of things your partner should be doing for you, how about you focus on showing your partner love in the ways that make them feel good. Never compromise your values when doing this, but a sweet text message, flowers delivered to their job or even tagging them in memes keeps the connection strong. Never assume that the way you enjoy being shown love is the same way that they enjoy being shown love. Just ask- If I could make you happy today, how would you like me to do that? Respect their response and if it is not criminal or violates your core values, give it a shot. You might discover that giving love feels just as good as receiving it.

Loving you should not be their burden.

Sometimes we place the responsibility for our happiness on our partner and that is not fair, especially in a long distance relationship where the physical connection is lacking. This person you love that is so far away, should not be your whole life. They are a part of your life. They should not be the ONE thing that you feel you can’t live without. That is way too much pressure. That kind of pressure will destroy the relationship.

Your long distance love is the cold glass of milk to wash down the warm slice of cake. You can enjoy the cake without the milk, in fact, you should try it sometime. If the person you are in a long distance relationship with is your ONLY source of happiness, you need to get out more. Releasing your partner from the burden of being the only source of your happiness helps them to feel free to offer an even more impassioned love. People like to feel wanted instead of needed. It’s always nice to be a choice instead of an obligation.

You can enjoy a long distance relationship. You can make it work. The key is to remember that a connection formed between two humans on any level, is a treasure. There are billions of people on the planet and this one cares about you just as much as you care about them. Let your guard down and celebrate this connection. It doesn’t happen often. In fact, most people only experience it a few times in their lives. Enjoy yourself. Take things lightly. See each other as much as you can and be bold and show LOVE every chance you get!