5 Responses to “The Level of Control I Have Over My Husband May Be Abusive

  • I’d luv to hear your sub hubby’s point of view. I am curious to ask if he feels you’ve distanced yourself from him and if he feels more alone now that you don’t seem to care enough to manage him as tightly as you once did. His independence seems great, but sounds also like lack of your interest. When someone is intensely interested, they can be very obnoxious, even to the point they look at themselves and see it. But that taken aback feeling, it’s because you’ve stepped back, and seen through less passionate eyes. I worry…

    • Thank you for your insightful questioning. I assure you there is no relationship “drift” with respect to any lack of interest or caring. We have only been married for 5 months, and together over two years. We are very committed to each other and together as we move forward. But we agree together about the obvious – I am dominant, and he is submissive, and I am more qualified to lead and exercise my authority in our relationship. That doesn’t mean, however, that I won’t rely on his strengths and abilities. I just want to make sure my husband is fulfilled in his life as a whole, not just in our home. He is a professional, and I want him to achieve to his highest potential professionally, personally, and spiritually. We don’t need his income, so he works Part-time so he can serve and support me. Perhaps he will comment at come point.

  • Ashley, What a thoughtful and well written post on your evolving relationship. Because you are open to the idea that things can always be improved, you seem headed in the right direction.
    I have been in a FLR for about 2 decades now. It has been intense at times and almost non-existent other times. Because of the demands of life and of making progress in our own personnel goals, we have gone off and focused on our own seperate lives for a time over the years and it’s been healthy. Recently we recommitted to my wife being the full time alpha and me falling into my preferred role as the beta. As our relationship is now, I serve my wife when we are together and she calls the shots that she wasn’t to call. When we are going about our own separate days, I do things in service to her, but I also make my own plans and do my own thing. Overall, my wife has final say, but I maintain control over my life when we are apart. In addition, she respects our mutual need to have activities that don’t include each other. She has her friends and I have mine, and we have mutual friends. All of this works great for both of us since she gets the service and attention she deserves, I get the submission and obedience I crave, and we both get to experience our “self” outside of the relationship.
    Good luck Ashley in finding a good balance for your and your husband. It sounds like you are are the right path.


  • Ashley, Than you again for sharing. A relevant topic for many of us in FLRs. My wife also enjoys a high level of what I will call “leadership” in our household. Admittedly, I have encouraged it over the years and it has grown in our marriage.

    I am also very eager to carry out any need or anything she asks. Striking the balance is important and something I think she monitors so that I enjoy things outside of work and pleasing her.

  • This was very well written Ashley. I am impressed with how honest you are being with yourself.

    For me, it was all about respect when my wife and I settled into our FLR. I made it clear early on that I was happy to serve her wishes, but that she needed to respect me for that.

    It has led to a relationship very much like the one you are describing, and it is working well

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