You Get What You Want or Nothing at All

So I received some backlash about my story from my date this weekend. Apparently some men thought I was being too mean and stuck up by not accepting the man’s offer to cater to me and be my everything.

The man I met was courteous, handsome and painted a wonderful picture of a long term relationship based on becoming the strongest team and partners. Since he worked on his own schedule he offered date nights as many times as I want, phone calls each morning, gifts, time and affection as often as it would take to satisfy me. He said he would come over each evening to spend time with me as soon as he finished working and I would never have to wonder if he cared about me because he would be sure to prove it to me daily.

I didn’t bite. Instead I told the guy I wasn’t interested and I explained why.

From Facebook:

Because of women like you, men hate women. I agree that he should have asked your desires, but what is wrong with having a gentleman care about you and willing to do what you ask? You don’t appreciate care, you just want a man to think about you all the time and be your slave.

Dear sir. He never asked me what I wanted. He didn’t care. It was all about his fantasy for me and never about my desires. He was trying to be my leader and tell me what I should like.

Now that I think of it, as he described how he likes to treat women to gifts, I asked him, “What’s your favorite thing to give?”

“Whatever I THINK SHE NEEDS, according to what I want to see her wear!” he replied emphatically.

I told you. He’s controlling. Even though he has a heart for service he has a heart to serve his way and not in the way that a woman needs or wants.

If he actually took the time to ask me what I needed, he would have found that I am not looking for all of that. I am not trying to hear a man’s vision for a FOREVER relationship, not on our first date! I know we are getting older and we need to make up our minds quickly but damn, hold up, let me see if I want to fuck you first before you start talking about forever! How many women have you made this offer to anyway?

You know what I want?

I want to meet someone who doesn’t need me to teach them how to improve their lives. I do that for a living, I don’t want to feel like a professor on my off time.

I’m just looking for a good time. I’m never having more children and I don’t feel the urge to marry so I’m dating for good times, good food, kind treatment, lots of compliments and good sex.

I need to be left alone sometimes. I am busy. I am planning a conference, gearing up to write my next book, running my latest coaching program and trying to walk 6 miles per day.

I need a man who is naturally inclined to please me. The man I went out with had a vision for his life and I was the latest woman who responded when he said Hello. Just off of that one act of kindness, now he is trying to build a life with me without asking me what I want. I don’t want to have to stop him, correct him, chastise him or convince him to listen to me or consider me. I’m trying to change the world, I don’t have the desire to try to change a man.

It would be nice to have a relationship but I am perfectly fine if I never have one for the rest of my life. My joy comes in growing my platforms and creating new projects and trying to change the world. I feel powerful in my effort to improve humanity and it gives my life meaning.

I do not want to stall my progress just to remind a man to be gentle with me, to ask him to consider my choices or to teach him that a woman’s wishes come first. He can go to another woman for all of that.

It would be great to be spoiled, attended to, loved and adored in all the ways that he described yet, it has to be someone who shows not tells. He could have done all of that without describing any of it and I would not have felt pressure to agree with his vision when he had not taken an interest to ask me for mine.

I will admit, for a moment I was excited and I thought that the Universe had answered my wish list yet, my soul knew from the beginning that I wanted all he had to offer- just not with him.

Should I have second guessed myself and given him time to show me who he is? Should I have worked with him and taught him how to please me?

I don’t feel like it.

I’m busy. My focus is on the betterment of our humanity. I have more on my mind than finding the right man. When you place your desire for a man above your desire to fulfill your vision for your life you cannot be a Goddess and you will never be respected by men.

That is the most impactful lesson that I learned when I first began to study FLRs. This lesson is what led me to break away from Femdom Female Led Relationships and focus on teaching women how to have TRUE Loving Female Led Relationships that do not cater to a man’s wishes. Every woman I interviewed about their FLR spoke almost exclusively about what they were doing to control their partners, tease their partners and push their partners limits.

When I encountered a woman who shared with me that her partner was completely devoted to her without any rules, sex games or restrictions, my soul lit up and I turned my back on femdom (with its focus on abusing and catering to men) and changed everything about what I teach! All she did was PLACE HER DESIRES ABOVE ALL and focus on her own happiness more than anyone else’s. I knew this was the key. It’s not about sexual control as motivation or giving a man lists to follow or allowing him to worship you.

Fuck around and truly get what it means to place yourself first and the wrong men will run away because they need your support, but the strong ones, they will flock to you.

I know what I want. When I am with a man I just want to have fun. Fuck your vision. Fuck trying to dangle being together forever over my head like a carrot. If we have fun I will call you again. If that is not what it feels like then it’s not right for me. Call me names if you want to. I’m not complaining, men are! And guess what? I am willing to go to my grave without compromising and I plan to if compromising is what it takes to keep a man.

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2 Responses to “You Get What You Want or Nothing at All

  • I believe with an FLR. one must consider the experience of the Leading Lady. in this scenario, she is confident, and very focused on what she is about, thus her partner must not be new to this scene, he would be better off having gotten out of the glorious stage of servitude, unless she dictates. That is the problem here. When you Lead. You Lead. So although a man might desire to shower you with what He wants, the deception here is, if one is not wise, He is doing what HE wants, not what she needs. So, really who is Leading whom? So, if one cannot tell you what they are NOT looking for, then yes, the man is doing what he thinks brings him joy and you are expected to “act” like you adore it. Sounds “vanilla” to me. I am Leading. And this is what my FLR looks like, my man is on board with this to or not. So, nothing wrong with the Leading Ladies not compromising their desires. Sorry, men have been seeking control in their relationships for eternity, at times it is just plain ordinary, and I am not talking about BDSM, yet as soon as a woman desire to put it out there, she is not nice enough or put in a position of being the B, get over it. If we wanted ordinary. we would not show any interest in the topic, ….men, if you desire this lifestyle, grow up, and stop whining, the Lady is in charge, do not think for her. We get that daily.

  • I really liked-“I’m just looking for a good time…dating for good time, good food, lots of compliments and good sex” with “a man who is naturally inclined to please me”. I am still smiling as I read and reread this. Thanks for sharing that.

    I’m semiretired-single and am naturally inclined to please. I find, in pleasing the woman I’m with, I am pleased.

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