He Wants to Cater to Me, but is that Enough?

So let me tell you how my date went last night. This handsome man picked me up, drove me to the beach on his scooter, had my favorite wine ready, nice music playing and we sat in front of the ocean as he shared his vision for a long term relationship. He explained that he really wants love in his life and he has a lot of love to offer.

He explained how he had been waiting to meet a woman who appreciates his treatment and would always be there for me if I gave him the chance. He asked me to lunch tomorrow, said he would take me dancing on Friday and on a boat ride on Saturday. It felt like he had this vision in his mind, all his fantasies he was waiting to fulfill and all he needed was a woman to be willing.

After we drank and listened to music, he wiped my feet and put on my sandals for me. I was impressed. I love it when a man pays attention to my feet like I am a princess. I could tell he wanted to be a true Gentleman. He was very affectionate, positive and made so many promises of things he wanted to do for me to make me feel happy. “I promise you will always feel SUPER HAPPY!” he said to me. “If there is every anything you want to do any day or night of the week, I can take you to do it. All you have to do is ask me.”

After discussing his favorite food I told him that I don’t cook to which he replied, “The woman belongs in the kitchen.” I told him that is false and he laughed. I told him that it is important to me that I choose where we go for dinner because I enjoy looking at reviews online and finding new places to eat. I asked if he could be okay with me always choosing dinner spots. He just walked away, like, he wasn’t having that.

When I got home I went into my closet to look at my clothes and my fingers lingered on a flower print dress that I feel beautiful in. His request that I look sexy played itself in my mind. “The women in this club I am taking you to dress UP, dressy like,” he said. “You are going to want to do it!”

At that moment I felt weird about him. I realized that he had painted a beautiful picture of nice dinners, gifts, outings and loving gestures and these are all experiences I certainly want, yet, he never once asked me what I wanted. He has a fantasy that he is trying to fulfill and he isn’t even entertaining what I want.

I don’t want to fulfill someone else’s fantasy. I don’t want to make his dream come true. I am not here to follow his vision. I have one of my own.

Gentlemen, this man is probably an amazing person, yet, I don’t want to see him again. Why? I could tell that although he fantasizes about catering to me and taking me out, he’s not truly centered on ME. To him, I am a tool to fulfill his fantasy of being sweet, romantic and loyal to a woman. He wants me to be his fantasy instead of the other way around.

I could take the time to teach him the proper way to engage with a woman but I don’t really care that much. I continue to be convinced that anything a man offers me I can offer to myself. I shared this story with you because I wanted you to see the difference between a Gentleman who places a woman first and Gentleman who places his fantasy first.

He places his fantasy before me. He spelled out all of his desires and dreams without ever asking me what I want or what I like. When I mentioned this to him, he said he planned to ask me what I wanted later. Liar. If I had gone along with it, he would have never asked. He is focused on himself. His desire to please me pleases HIM more. He doesn’t even know HOW to please me or care to ask. He wants to please me HIS way.

I don’t want to follow his lead or be his dream woman. I have a dream of my own. I have a lot of work to do in this world, and while I appreciate assistance from men, I am not dependent on them. If a man does come along to share my time, it will have to be someone who asks me what I want long before he ever spells out his fantasy.

Ask her what she wants before you tell her what you want. Be a Gentleman.

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One Response to “He Wants to Cater to Me, but is that Enough?

  • Please tell me what are your ideas for long term relationship? But first would you like a cup of coffee or tea?

    This is a bit of a shift. I’m very new to FLR but realize this is something I’ve longed for and not been successful at it. The following has given me optimism and hope.

    I cared for my Mom for her last couple years after she got diagnosis of Alzheimer’s. I learned more about her and the ideas of FLR than anywhere else. She was still gracious. She tried to be my Mom and ask me what I wanted. She got so relaxed and grateful when later I’d provide her hot breakfast or tie her shoes when she knotted them up and could no longer tie them. We’d laugh while I followed her up and down stairs and around house while she’d go from chair to bed to sofa and repeat . She died this pastt June.

    She was wonderful woman. I learned more about myself and her while just sittting there watching her rest. I knew she felt comforted just having me sit with her.

    Tim G

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