5 Ways Women Can Create Strong FLRs

I asked a proud Gentleman in a Loving Female Led Marriage to share his best tips to help women establish strong and beneficial Loving FLRs. This is his best advice. ~Te-Erika

1) BE OPEN & MOTIVATED. First, it is important that both the man and the woman are open and motivated to be in a Loving FLR.

If the man is more motivated for the Loving FLR and you are uncertain if you want to lead, at least try it. You may find you like it more than you thought you would. There are many benefits a woman can have from a Loving FLR which gives you back free time, reduces stress, and allows you to pursue whatever interests or fantasies that you like.

My wife/Goddess and I were fortunate that she is a first born and prefers to be in charge and control of her Household and her life. At the same time, as the man I am a last born sibling of 4 and was used to being led, given advice by my older brothers and sister. So, both our personalities made us open and very willing to build a Loving FLR. For us, it was more natural than it might be for some couples.

2). HAVE SIMILAR VALUES. It is helpful to have many of the same values and desires for life. This does not mean you need to have the same interests or passions. Interests and passions may change over time but values are hardwired beliefs about living and interacting with others in this world. This is more about the way the man is ready and willing to follow your lead and vision of how you want the relationship to grow. Remember, there is a difference between interests, passions, and values.

For us, values included things like: We both chose to live modestly; Reside in the Midwest; Raise children, and Spend time with our extended family. You don’t need all of those values to be exactly the same but it certainly helps. By having these basic values in place, I knew anything she wanted to do, anything she wanted done for her, or any decision she made was generally based around her vision of our life. Because of these shared values and vision, I fully trust her to lead us in that direction.

3). GAIN HIS LOVE AND TRUST. Third, it is important that if #2) above is in place that the woman has the man’s overall Love and Trust. Here trust means that your partner knows your heart is in a good place for leading the household. It doesn’t mean he necessarily will like all your decisions but if he trusts you, he will be ready to carry out your plans and most importantly make you happy and treat you like a Goddess that you deserve. If he trusts you and he loves you, he will hold you and anything you want on a pedestal and he will put forth the effort to treat you as a Goddess.

For my wife, she gained my love and trust early on that her heart was in the right place. She made the rules or made decisions and I trusted her and I supported her enthusiastically. For example, when we first got married, after saving up for a down payment for a house, my wife selected where we should live. It was close to her work and was in a community that had very strong public schools. She told me she wanted a short commute to work and said if we had children in the coming years, she would be close to home. I accepted her decision and trusted her. My commute was a long distance but by hers being close, it reduced her stress, gave her more time each day and was better for our family when we started having children.

Other examples over the course of our marriage included when she wanted to have children, whether she wanted to work full time, part time or not at all; any home project or major purchase -she decided when it was to be done and how. I eagerly agree with her decisions because I love her (maybe my obsession with her and making her happy has something to do with it) and I trust her. Even if she changes her mind and wants to redo a home project 2 years later, I don’t worry about it and I accept her new decision. Admittedly, I spoil her and she has a power over me to get whatever she wants.

4). TELL HIM WHAT YOU WANT. It is important to feel comfortable telling your partner what you want and how you would like him to support you. You may not know all the time what you want but go with your gut/first reaction of what your mind is telling you. For example, my wife early on knew that she liked foot massages. I am not sure how she decided she wanted foot massages but one morning very early in our marriage, she had awakened and was reading on her bed, and I came up to bring her morning coffee (another thing she told me she wanted was her coffee fetched every morning), and she said, “Thank you for my coffee. Now, I would like a nice foot massage to start my morning”. I was already obsessed with her at that point so perhaps she knew I would eagerly serve her. I immediately said “Yes”, and took my position at the end of the bed as she raised her feet on my lap. Over the years, this has become almost a daily activity whether in her bed or while we watch TV in the family room.

There are many other things she asks me to do for her and over time she has become more and more comfortable asking for my support or service to make her life easier, and allow her more time to do other things she enjoys. By me responding positively to her requests, and then making it part of our daily routines (she no longer has to ask, I just do these things), it has encouraged her to continue adding things she wants.

5). CONTINUALLY RAISE THE BAR. Once you as the Leader establish the Loving FLR and basic pattern of leading and directing the household, keep things fresh in the relationship and delegate more daily activities to your man and look for ways he can carry out your needs even further and better.

For example, early on my wife told me all housework would be shared 50/50. I accepted this and she would map out all things that needed to be done to run the household how she wanted and maintain a clean organized home. She would assign me both daily chores, weekly chores, and then usually monthly she would supervise a larger project (eg cleaning the garage). She would correct me if I did not do something to her liking and if I pouted or showed any negative emotion/body language, she punished me mostly by humiliating me in front of others or delaying my chance to worship her. While on the surface, this may seem mean or disrespectful to me, the punishments are what I remember the most and really turned my attitude around in those moments where I pouted about a decision or a task I did not want to do. Today, she seldom has to punish me and simply does light correcting.

The other reminder is to praise your man when he meets your needs and particularly when he exceeds your expectations. As a people pleaser, I must admit I really get satisfaction out of making her smile or getting her praise like, “What a nice husband you are and you anticipated so well without me having to ask or remind you”.