My Boyfriend Does Not Support My Business Goals

Dear Te-Erika,

My boyfriend is not supportive of me starting my company in the least. My first year and a half I had great steady business- then I hired the wrong person and lost my biggest client. These last two months have been EXTRA stressful. Since income is not as lucrative as before I get nothing but negative energy from him telling me I should get a real job and telling me since I haven’t gotten a new client lately that my business is a complete failure. I’m really not taking it well. Advice welcome!

S

♦♦♦

Dear S,

I am sorry to hear this. One of the biggest challenges couples face is growth. Two people coming together may feel that they have similar visions, but what happens when those visions change?

A Gentleman in a Loving Female Led Relationship would never call you a failure or criticize you for making effort towards your dreams. Instead, he would celebrate with you during your successes and console you when you have setbacks. He should be wise enough to fill in your weaknesses and advise you of examples he has seen for getting back on track in business or at least be kind enough to tell you that he does not know what you should do next but he would like to support any ideas that you have.

You are in an abusive situation. He does not know how to support you and he is using criticism to steer you. Only masochists are motivated by criticism and I am certain that you don’t like pain since you are reaching out for help.

Be honest with him. Tell him that it hurts you when he is not supportive. Tell him that you want him to be your biggest cheerleader. Tell him that you love him and want to stay with him but not if it hurts your chances of achieving your dreams. Tell him that you need him to stand with you.

If he does not respond favorably to this mature approach and he is someone you want to continue a relationship with you can give him four options for responding to your setbacks.

Tell him that when you are having a hard time in your business he can only do these things:

1. Tell you everything will be alright. No matter what it is.
2. Ask how he can help you.
3. Hold you and listen, but say nothing.
4. Do research to find others who have built similar businesses and send links or information so that you can learn from or be inspired by them.

Tell him that these are his only options for responding to your lean times. Tell him that if he responds with any other message he will be sleeping on the couch. Who wants to sleep next to a man who calls your efforts a failure?

His response is a direct reflection of his view of his own capabilities. He knows that he can’t grow a business and he may be frustrated by the fact that he cannot help you so he is encouraging you to give up and go back to working for someone else, which is all he knows how to do successfully. He may even be afraid that you will become too powerful and not need him. This is a fear for many men and they do not know how to redirect this fear.

Were you partnered with someone who had an entrepreneurial mindset he would never tell you to go get a job. Instead he would enjoy helping you to create multiple ways to prosper. As it is, the way he is reacting to you, you are not a good match for him and thankfully you are not married to him yet.

If he won’t agree to support you in ways that empower you, you don’t have to stay in this relationship. You can walk away and allow yourself the space to be motivated by people who are headed in your direction. When you walk away it also frees him to meet someone who is a better match for him.

You don’t lose if you walk away. You don’t lose when you set higher standards for him. He needs to know that you believe in yourself and setting higher standards for your interactions with him will let him know you are serious about your business.

Every business woman experiences setbacks and perceived failures. We flop. We become discouraged. We may even want to throw in the towel because we are tired.

What we DON’T do is allow someone into our intimate space who will willfully attempt to crush our dreams and mock us during setbacks.

You know what kind of relationship that you want and need to become the woman of your dreams. Don’t allow yourself to feel as though it’s better to have a man than not have one. If this one is weighing you down and can’t be instructed on how to be a better support for you, get rid of him.

Te-Erika