Do you want a Loving FLR or a Femdom Relationship?
This website promotes Loving Female Led Relationships, relationships that empower women. The premise of a Loving FLR is that the woman’s happiness is the priority in the relationship and her partner is delighted to support her happiness in any way that he can. In fact, he believes supporting her happiness is his privilege.
But sometimes people get turned around by the concept of a Loving FLR because there is so much information out there about femdom and they confuse the two. Allow me to share the major differences so that you can determine where you stand once and for all.
In a Femdom relationship:
The man has specific expectations for how the woman interacts with him. He expects the woman to be aggressive with him, confrontational and restrict his freedom to make choices for himself.
He is dissatisfied when the woman will not focus her attention on controlling his choices, punishing him and delivering his kinks. He will often complain that she is not being dominant enough or that the relationship does not meet his needs. He wants her to be his fantasy and will not be satisfied until she acts the part.
The man wants to experience physical or emotional pain at his request. He often asks for physical punishments, to be sexually restricted using devices or to be cheated on so that he can feel emotionally abused.
He describes himself as submissive and views her as his dominant.
The couple has to keep their interactions a secret for fear of backlash from society and their friends and family.
When he speaks about developing a Female Led Relationship he only speaks about how she should control him, give him tasks and take advantage of him. He rarely asks what she wants. His focus is to get her to deliver his fantasy of being used and abused, which makes him happy. His happiness is the priority.
His motivation for developing a Femdom relationship is- arousal.
Her motivation for developing a Femdom relationship – he asked her for it OR she is naturally controlling and abusive.
In a Loving Female Led Relationship:
The man is genuinely happy to meet the needs of the woman he loves.
He does not require anything from her, except that she be appreciative of all of the ways he loves her and does not hurt her intentionally in any way.
He works tirelessly to please her and rarely requires anything in return because he feels that it is his calling in life to be a good partner to her.
The woman feels free, at peace and happy at home. She cherishes her partner for loving her so genuinely. When she goes out into the world she feels as though she can achieve anything because she has a solid, loving partner at home who makes her believe that the world is hers for the taking.
Her friends envy her relationship with him. His friends may tease him for being so devoted to her but they secretly wish they have the same.
She understands that she is responsible for the overall progress and satisfaction of her relationship and she takes great care to show him appreciation and to lead their relationship intentionally and with integrity. She protects him. He protects her. They work together as a team to achieve her vision for the relationship. He strives to become her fantasy.
She expresses what she wants from the relationship openly. She is patient with him, grooming him to become an awesome partner to her and he values the way she expresses her love through correcting him and guiding him.
They feel lucky to have found each other because they complement each other very well. He trusts her leadership and respects when she makes a decision. He accepts her decisions and does not try to coerce her to agree with his desires. He is happy to give her what she wants because doing so makes him feel like a hero. He enjoys being her hero and she loves having him as her co-captain in life.
Which type of relationship are you looking for?
If you are a woman who wants support transitioning from a Femdom based relationship to a real Loving FLR, please reach out for private coaching. Loving FLRs are possible.
If you are a man who is confused about your desires and want to talk to an expert, try the Becoming a Gentleman Coaching Program. It will address every concern you have and set you on the right path to developing a real relationship that is sustainable and enjoyable.
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Thank you for such an informative and interesting article. Thank you for explaining femdom ams FLR relationships.
This is from years of experience interviewing men who say they want a FLR. I realized that when they describe it using the words – Use me. Punish ME. Tease ME. Control ME. They are really trying to manipulate women into thinking being a strong and dominant woman means being abusive towards them. Women should NOT fall into this trap. Femdom is a service for MEN. No woman benefits from it.
A pure Femdom relationship is not really an FLR. But in a true FLR, while the male pays constant attention to the wishes and needs of his Woman, she in turn is constantly “reading” him. She knows what is good for him and what he needs. If her evaluation reveals he needs things like spanking and chastity devices she will deliver those and insist upon them. Men who are submissive and supportive toward Women without an erotic component perhaps do exist but are surely as rare as Women who absolutely know how to manage their man, including erotic practices. FLR and kink are not antithetical; they are complementary.
Good insight, Bob. The only thing you are missing is the fact that this site is not a site for submissive men. We do not encourage men who need their kinks met to feel loved. We support men who truly love women and want to see them prosper and feel good. We are not leaders of men, we are leaders of ourselves and our partners support that.
Hummmm, this seems to be drawing an awful lot of negative assumptions about BDSM and kink… as to be kink shaming.
Your explanation of a Dom/sub relationship is very biased and seems to not be based in solid research or personal experience. “Dissatisfied” and “complainants” is not the goal of a Dom/sub relationship.
BDSM relationship absolutely can be and often are, loving.
Your distaste for submissive men is palatable. That is your personal taste, but your taste is not everyone’s taste. Plenty of women DO like sub men. Plenty of sub men are truly looking to please their women.
What your described is not a typical dom/sub relationship.
FLR and Kink are often confused.
They aren’t the same thing, but they can go together just fine, thank your very much.
Nothing is wrong with a Dom/sub FLR if that is what all the consenting adults want.
You CAN have both.
I personally don’t want both, but it is an option.
I wish this article had been less biased.
My wife and I started this journey about 2 years ago. At the time we didn’t know what FLR was nor did we understand Femdom etc. We just knew that we both desired a shift to her leadership of the relationship (in and out of the bedroom) and I truly wanted nothing more than to please her, love her and support her desires.
I’ve learned over these years that my desires are focused on her, not getting anything in return….we tried some Femdom activities, but she didn’t want to give pain or humiliate me, and didn’t really like that….I DO enjoy focusing on what pleases her and only what pleases her.
There are common acts (in bed primarily) to FLR and Femdom. For instance she is responsible for when and how we are intimate, and when we are, only her pleasure is the focus. Mine should always be secondary and if it doesn’t happen I should never complain or pout etc….Sometimes she enjoys “playing” or “teasing” me which is a part of Femdom, but never in a humilating or painful way…just reminding me of our roles…
Our FLR might not be textbook but it is working for us, we have never been closer, it is a awesome journey and is only getting better.