The Average Man’s Reaction to Female Led Relationships

As many of you should know by now, I am SINGLE. I teach Female Led Relationship courses and advocate for FLRs based on what I have studied and researched. My work isn’t to influence you to be like me at all. I simply share the beauty of this relationship style because from what I have seen, it truly empowers women to live GREAT lives. I honestly believe that this relationship style will change humanity because it is based on love and support between the couple instead of domination and competition. I also love everything about cultivating a brand and growing a business. The ebbs and flows of this process fills me with satisfaction that I am not sure a man’s presence could ever emulate.

Regardless, I do go on dates from time to time. I do it for the stories I get to tell about it, the great restaurants I get to try and the interesting conversations I get to have with strangers. Since teaching the concepts behind FLRs, my dating life has changed. It’s not really about the fact that I try to implement FLRs overtly with men. The shift comes when men ask the question: What do you do?

I am a relationship coach. I teach Female Led Relationships.

Because this is such a big part of my life I tend to go into detail about what a FLR is and how it impacts the relationship without the man understanding that I may not even be interested in having a relationship with him in particular. This is usually the man’s first reaction.

Nah. I’m kidding. LOL They don’t walk away immediately but they do become defensive. One guy even told me, “Don’t try none of that stuff on me. I am not one of your students.”

I have to make effort to explain to them that a Female Led Relationship is empowering to the woman and the man. They need encouragement to understand that when a man engages in a FLR it’s not because he is weak, it is because he has found an amazing woman and he can’t deny her brilliance. He thinks she is so smart that he always wants to know what she thinks about a particular topic or decision because he knows that whatever her opinion is, it will add value to his decision.

I find myself explaining over and over again that a Female Led Relationship is not about the woman being superior to the man, but more about the man choosing to support and deliver the lifestyle that the woman wants because it makes him happy to do so.

One guy asked me, “So what about if the man needs to check the woman?”

ME: ~Raising my eyebrow~ In what way?

Guy: What if she is spending money without regard to the household and going through all of their savings? He needs to check her behavior. He can’t just go along with it. She’s making decisions for herself and not for the best interest of the couple.

ME: A guy like that needs to find himself a new relationship. This isn’t a woman he trusts. He can only have this type of relationship with a woman he trusts and admires. A woman in a Loving FLR promises to make decisions in the best interest of her family; it is her responsibility.

Guy: Oh.

While I am not really invested in making sure that any future relationship is formally established as a FLR, the most important aspect to me is that when I am with a man I feel safe emotionally and physically. This is not easy to accomplish because I don’t typically feel safe around anyone due to a variety of reasons like leftover residue from past abusive relationships when I didn’t understand that I should put my feelings and desires first and the fact that I am so resourceful that most people pretend to want my  friendship so that I can help them to achieve their goals.

In order for me to feel safe I have to meet someone who does not need any help from me. This person must also speak softly, be patient and never try to push their agenda like the guy I met last week.

I met him on a dating app and his one line description caught my eye: Easy-going.

So I returned his message and we met for dinner in downtown Los Angeles. He was not typically my type but since I’m not looking for love it didn’t matter. I explained the concept of FLRs to him and he asked:

“But what about the man’s happiness?” he asked.

“His happiness comes from making sure she is happy,” I explained.

He politely agreed but then threw me for  a loop when I would say I wanted one thing and he would immediately suggest another. As we went from dinner to after dinner drinks at another spot he kept doing the same thing as though he knew what was best for me better than I did.

At the end of the night I left him as he begged for me to stay with him. He seriously looked as though he was about to cry.

“You don’t listen,” I told him. “You think you are smarter than I am. I don’t feel comfortable with you.”

A man who thinks he knows what is best for you is the type of man who will not stop when you tell him not to touch you. He will never honor your choices because he thinks he is superior.

Another man I went out with – YES, I get around!- was actually receptive to the concept of FLRs without me even saying anything. In fact, I didn’t plan to bring it up at all but I was astounded by his description of the type of relationship he wanted. He mentioned things like wanting to earn every privilege he gets in a relationship, wanting to be pushed to be his best, wanting to grow with a woman who knows what she wants. Everything he said fit in with the list of traits of a Gentleman in a Loving Female Led Relationship that I outlined in the FLR Guidebook- She Wants.

After l took out my copy of the book and read excerpts to him, he agreed that this was exactly what he was looking for. But, the very next day he began to become aggressive with me because I expressed hesitation about being committed to him. He painted a beautiful picture of a great relationship but I knew I didn’t want that- with him. I don’t want to be committed to anyone. I want to always feel free. He remarked that he felt that I was afraid to be loved and that he would push me to get there because having a partner is better than being alone.

I would beg to differ.

I have been single for more than a decade and I never feel as happy when I am with someone as I do when I am alone. I have had many men ask me to be with them but I say NO because their relationships come with rules and I can’t bring myself to agree to those damn rules. I had to tell him that I don’t want to talk to him anymore because I don’t want my opinions and desires to be corrected.

“I want to feel safe,” I explained to him. “I already told you that I don’t like rules. I don’t like listening to a man’s desires and following them. I’m not going to change. I’m not going to listen to you. I told you that I like feeling free. You don’t listen. You keep pushing for what you want.”

Sometimes I think maybe I would maybe want a relationship someday maybe but I have to meet someone I would want a relationship with. I’m not giving in to these men’s demands for a relationship the way they want it. I want to feel free.