He cheated on her.
I was shocked. There I was taking my daily 4 mile walk up Wilshire Boulevard chatting with my Mom through my earbuds and glancing down at my phone from time to time. I opened up my Instagram and he had posted a strange photo on the feed so I commented ‘confused’ and closed the app..
The photo was a beautiful woman, but she wasn’t his girlfriend. His caption read: #relationshipgoals
I explained to my Mom that something strange was going on with my internet friend. I shared that he and I met a few years ago in a fitness group and kept in touch. I thought he was so amazing and I loved following his life through pictures on Instagram and posts on Facebook. He was a cutie, but he was off limits because he had a girlfriend. I honestly never thought about being attracted to him because he had a beautiful Black woman that he loved very much (or so he posted) and I was happy that he was happy.
His posts were usually the same. He posted lots of pictures of two cute little girls who weren’t his daughters but he never said who they were, he just called them ‘family’. An occasional picture of his girlfriend Sharon with a sweet caption and a few pictures of his Mom who looked just as young as he was would pepper my timeline. The majority of his posts were of his body building progress, meal prep process, triceps, legs and before and afters. Yes, this gym rat was proud of his muscular body and I will admit that I loved looking at it too.
But for the first time a new person made an appearance on his Instagram. She looked Latina. Kind of young. Sexy. Her eyes seduced the camera.
“I don’t know what could have happened,” I told my Mom. “He’s such a sweet guy. We have chatted privately and he never flirted with me or said anything rude or sexual. He probably would never cheat. He’s probably just a really sweet guy.”
I opened my phone again and he had sent me a DM on Instagram.
“I messed up, Te-Erika,” he wrote. “I was with Sharon but I was back and forth with my ex from back in the day and now she’s pregnant and Sharon found out and she broke my $2,000 television, trashed my car and my house. Now the new girl is living with me but I don’t want her here but what can I do she has my baby.”
A car horn blasting shook me out of my daze.
Damnnnn! Such drama!
We chatted into the night and I got goosebumps as he described how the new girl basically bullied him into living with him. He explained that she told him that she loved him, she was having his baby and she was moving in with him and there’s nothing he can do about it.
So she did.
“I told her that I don’t love her and she said she doesn’t care, she loves me and she’s not going anywhere,” he wrote.
“But if you don’t love her then why did you post her picture?” I asked him.
“Oh, she told me – ‘You’re not single. Do something about it’.”
I was dumbfounded.
“Do you even miss your ex?” I asked, inquiring about the woman he had spent the last 5 years of his life with.
“Honestly, I am more mad at her than anything. She trashed my car- $3,000 in damage,” he wrote. “But honestly, she was too quiet and too nice. She never put her foot down or up my ass and as a queen, it was her job to do that.”
Ahhh. He is in a Female Led Relationship.
He is now with a woman who came into his life and told him what the relationship was going to be and he is allowing it even though he is complaining secretly. He lost the woman he has loved for 5 years and he is not sad about it because she “never put her foot down’.
Then out of the blue he proceeded to try to come on to me. I raised my eyebrow and watched as his texts appeared on the screen. He told me that he had always thought I was beautiful, he had fantasized about me sexually and he noticed that all the eye candy guys I posted on my Instagram looked just like him.
Hmm. He was right. But I was not attracted to him.
And I would never be. I don’t enjoy men who complain about women. If he has to complain, he needs to leave her alone. If he complains and does nothing to correct it, he is secretly bragging about the behavior. That’s childish. A man does not need to pretend he does not like certain behavior. If he accepts it, he likes it.
He had a woman who was beautiful, loyal and kind to him but he wanted someone who would force him to do things. He complained about the new girl but it is obvious that her bossy demeanor is what he secretly craves. She has moved in, she has his baby and she is going to get the wedding ring she wants. And he is getting what he wants. He wants a woman to overtake him and control him.
A woman like he has right now, has but one dream- to get the man she wants and create the family she wants with him. She will plot and scheme to do it.
I respect that she is getting what she wants by telling him to give it to her but personally, I believe that a Goddess has better shit to do than plot on a man, get pregnant from him and force him to be with her. But that may be her life goal and if she is happily creating it then she is being successful.
But still- If a man looks a woman in the face and tells her that he doesn’t love her, that should be the end of their interaction for this lifetime. How could she stay with him after that?
SHE WANTS – him.
And she got him.
He wanted a woman who was more controlling and demanding.
And he got it.
We always get what we really want.
Maybe that is why you are where you are in life right now.