He Did Not Complain or Refuse My Choices
I am at a point in my life where I can almost exhale. My career has served me well with travel both in and out of the US. Now I am mentoring others and looking forward to leaving the 9 to 5 grind of healthcare compliance reimbursement. The next phase of my life involves more creative endeavors and volunteer work with several non profits that focus on hunger and making learning easier for all people.
I grew up in a very, very small town in Alabama and found escape through books. I realized early in life that there was so much to explore and to see in this world. I placed my wanderlust on hold, got married and settled into the routine of life. Was it a FLR? No it was not. But as I reflect on those 14 years, I can see where I was more of the leader. It was considered being “bossy.” I did want and expect things done in a certain way…my way. The women on my mother’s side of the family were all strong, in charge types and men seemed to be quiet followers. After the divorce, my focus was on raising my child. At age 53, the idea of exploring the world is still alive. Now that my child has finished college and started her career, I travel yearly with a group of female friends. I know travel would be more enjoyable with a gentleman that will embrace me, my dreams and enjoy sharing in the new phase of my life……all within a loving FLR.
I spent time reflecting on past relationships. The one thing that stood out was that I was the one directing the relationships. So I started to research the dynamic of what I thought was a bossy woman. The picture or definition I saw for a woman in charge of her man did not define me and was not what I wanted. So I kept researching and discovered FLRs and immediately connected with what I found. It was refreshing to see that it was “okay” to be a woman in charge of her man/relationship in a loving and real way. It was such a relief to find that there are men who also want this who are normal….they work, have interests, friends and are successful.
Being introduced to FLRs has been a wonderful and refreshing boost to my search for a relationship. I completely accept who I am in terms of what I need and seek in a relationship. The idea of being in a loving FLR makes me smile inside!
The happiness, emotional well being, personal satisfaction and realization of dreams for the woman in a FLR is a huge benefit of being in a loving FLR. When this happens, the man and children (if any) benefit from the female’s loving and wise guidance, this becoming the best they can be also. Some couples may be challenged by what other people think about their relationship and feel pressure to conform to the norm of others opinion. I believe that what happens in a loving relationship is between the two involved and if the bond is solid can withstand outside challenges. The only challenge I encountered was in finding a partner. But of course all challenges can be overcome!
I have recently started a relationship with my new gentleman who was raised in a strict, loving matriarchal home. Seeing a woman in charge of her man and a man who happily surrendered to his wife’s direction was what he saw/experienced as a child.
My new gentleman and I were having dinner for our first date. We were at a great restaurant and the ambiance was perfect. The waiter came over and I ordered for him…from wine and appetizer to the entrée. My man did not complain or refuse any of my choices. The waiter’s reaction was priceless! He was a little taken aback. It was apparent that he had not seen a couple where the woman was in charge. I totally enjoyed the moment!
My gentleman fully embraces FLRs. Our interactions have been very effortless because we both know we work better in an FLR. We can freely discuss FLR dynamics and other topics from politics to books and art. He is very smart, caring and most of all, a complete gentleman who shares my passion for learning and traveling. We are both excited about the journey that has started!
To learn more about FLRs any woman or man should look to the Internet. There are so many sites out there that address FLRs and are in English, German and other languages. The site lovingflr.com helped to answer my questions and provided a tool to learn more. Many good books are also available from the website and bookstores. My best advice……read, read and read some more. Befriend others who want or are already in FLRs for support and social outlets. I believe that if I had been introduced to FLRs in my 20s, I would have made different choices and would be in a loving Loving FLR marriage. Remember that your FLR reflects who you are as individuals and how you come together as a couple. It won’t be a carbon copy of anything you read or encounter.
It is great that more women are becoming empowered to embrace leadership roles in their relationships. We can be strong, confident, loving AND in charge in our relationships!
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Beautiful post!
Can I support a woman in her perverse decisions? When making money using other people when selling for money? Is it love if I do not admit it and tell what I think, but in silence I accept her bad decisions for good? Is the decision to accept because it is a woman’s decision?
These are the really serious questions here.
Juliusz, Hopefully, She is dominant, but considers your opinions and suggestions before making decisions. If Her judgement and abilities are not superior to yours, it would be rare. Be patient, and see how Her decisions work out over time. You may be surprised. If you happen to be one of those rare men where both sides of your brain actually work, then humbly seek to offer your humble advice/assistance. At the minimum, be sure you identify those areas where She is strong and gifted above yourself (there will be many), and submit to her completely in those areas. Be patient where you think you are superior, and love and accept her. If she makes poor decisions at time, she will learn. Patiently submit to her loving leadership and let her steer the relationship. Support her and she will continue to grow.
This is very inspiring, practical advice.
Excellent post and very happy you have found a nice FLR relationship. Like the example on your very first date of you ordering both the appetizer and his meal. His full acceptance of this and your confidence with the waiter was wonderful to hear.
My Goddess usually allows me to order my own meal but would like the idea of her taking charge.
So if you were to let her know what you would like she could then order it for you.
And if she decides that your choice is not a healthy one be prepared to agree with / accept her choice for your meal.
Enjoy the moment either way.
Keep a journal and write down moments like this in it for the many reasons a person keeps one. Use a voice recognition writing program to let the words and feelings flow out of you. I think you may both benefit from writing and reviewing a journal.
Very good post, and story of your experience. I too have at times ordered for my husband. In fact I have at times forbidden him to speak, but when addressed by the server, look in my direction with a slight nod, forcing the server to then address me, at which time I order for both of us. It’s an exercise in humility for him, that I like at times, and he is OK with.
Nice. And a nice touch by forbidding him to talk.
I was wondering if he should ask you if he may have something else?
“May I have a coke?”
“No, but you may have a glass of milk.”
Assuming he is not lactose intolerant.
Nice post, would love to be in that situation with a lady in charge of the relationship.
I am happily married to a fine woman but who is not into the FLR scene. I would love it if she was because I think a woman in charge is a great thing. This article about the woman directing things in her relationship is something I admire and would welcome. I hope she and her gentleman are still moving forward.
Whoever said the man in a relationship and/or marriage has to be the leader? We see all over the country that marriages are failing when if the woman had the lead perhaps many would still be intact. I believe woman are more intelligent, more patient, and many of them have the ability to lead, so why shouldn’t more marriages turn to that? Could it be the male ego that is in the way? We have local voting here where I live tomorrow and I counted 27 women running for office to only 13 men. Could it be the start of a matriarchal government??
Does this happen that much, where the wife orders for the husband and the wife does not allow the husband to speak?