• Should I Call Myself a Submissive?

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    I was wondering about the term ‘submissive’ in discussing the males in FLRs – I have always been uncomfortable with it – maybe I am in denial – but I am not sure its the right term to define the men in this community?

    * I am totally under my wife’s authority and she makes all the major decisions in our family – usually after at-least conferring with me.
    * I do not argue with her, talk back to her, or contradict/undermine her decisions.
    * I now have altered my desires and personality to accept and conform to her likes and dislikes.
    * I do what she tells me to do without debate or questioning it.
    * I have learned to watch and love her interests, shows and books she reads (while still have some of my own).
    * If she mentions she has to get something or do something I immediately try to see whether I can take care of it.
    * When she tells me we have to reschedule an event or other intimate session because of her work, I try to show that its ok and to not make her feel any guilt.
    * I have become a total feminist following her lead, believe in it, support it, (not that I was ever against it).
    * I understand she is the head of our household – even if sometimes she allows for me to play that part.
    * I am ok when she sternly tells me that I have done something poorly or made a poor choice – which I then truly try to change, not do it again, – without needing kink discipline.
    * I help my wife in many ways to support her career, support her family, help her figure things out when she needs it.

    Damn. Maybe I really am submissive? Can a man be totally submissive and still be strong in other ways or ‘be strong in his submissiveness?? Even though I am all of the above, and she loves my new vigor and redefinition as her ‘husband’ – she really would not want to call me submissive.  I think it’s a term with the baggage of an S&M B&D fetish connection and meaning.

    What could a better word be?

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    Kevin Kim

    Kevin Kim

    Loving husband, father and friend. Committed to my Female Led Relationship.
    Kevin Kim

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5 Responsesso far.

  1. dave says:

    I think that submissive is accurate. But in the kink light, that often comes into play when speaking FLR to the unknowing, it is misleading. The first term that came to me was “devoted”. I was a devoted husband to my late wife. We did not have a FLR in the fullness that is is spoken here. She led where she was better (and then some) and I led where I was better. But all of the time we were devoted to God and eachother.

  2. ncgreg231LC2 says:

    2 better words – subordinated -or- supportive. On the other hand, I’d like to re-emphasize what dave said…”she led where she was better…and i led where i was better” not to mention having a relationship with God. At this point, I see quite a number of things I don’t like about FLR’s, but while I am still in a learning mode, i will first educate myself further about just what i’m starting to get myself into… and BTW, I don’t see anything wrong with empowering women, although like everything else, the right BALANCE is always the key to achieving the best overall outcome…

  3. SubMan says:

    I think that when describing ourselves instead of describing ourselves as submissive, we should use the label of under my wife’s authority. I realized that some men might find this label humiliating but we should be proud of being a follower of a female authority, just supporting and undermine her decisions.

  4. jitup says:

    I like being my wifes submissive. I am a strong aggressive person, and need and even stronger woman to keep me in the right direction. She is the wind in my sails and I am at her full disposal to accomplish all of her goals. We have a D/s relationship. That being said I AM NOT submissive to anyone else, and if pushed, I push back 10x harder. I am sort of a dick to be honest, and hate arguing with my best friend, so I submit to her as a gift for her magnificence as a human being that I have devoted my self to serving

  5. Michel says:

    Words can be tricky. SUPPORTIVE is a good description of how I interact with women. I help. I listen. I suggest. I pay attention. But the word doesn’t describe how I feel. It does not describe WHY I behave this way. It doesn’t speak of the meaning it has for me.

    SUPPORTIVE is a politically correct way to express how I behave but, at the same time, it hides something much more complex. It certainly doesn’t explain why my girlfriend is very DIRECTIVE with me.