Readers HATE The Enlightened Submissive -Book Review

My latest book- The Enlightened Submissive has only been out for ONE DAY and the very first feedback I received was that the reader found it to be untrue and unnecessary.

She reached out to me via social media to share her opinions and I welcomed the conversation out of sincere appreciation for someone who took the time to READ the book and out of respect for her as a woman. This is my 6th book teaching singles and couples about Loving FLRs yet this one has struck a nerve, apparently.

“Your generalizations about femdoms are just… mean spirited.”

FROM A READER – I have no problem with differing opinions. And in fact outlining a different kind of FLR, which doesn’t involve kink, is an absolutely great idea, and it made me curious about your page and your books. I like seeing other perspectives on something I’ve spent nearly 20 years studying from the inside out. In fact, I read every new book and articles I can get my hands on to stay aware of what’s out there. My current job as a relationship coach has been to work with men on self-acceptance and connecting authentically with women who share their interests in BDSM.

I’ve worked with some great sex therapists in the process who view kink as a healthy expression of sexuality. However you paint femdoms as either simply out to get men addicted to porn and make money, or alternately weak, damaged, abused, submissive women who are only serving a male fantasy. You go so far to say we are not powerful in our own sexual expression, but simply some kind of kink junkies with some looming demon who wants to take over our lives. That’s more than an opinion. You state things as facts – that we are more likely to be stressed out, etc. with no citations to back it up. 

Of course you are free to share your views. No one says you are not. But I also am free to express my hurt at people like me being painted in this light. Since you are accessible on social media, I’m free to do it directly. 

I have personally met men who had the wrong motives for calling themselves submissive. And I agree with you on a number of points. That men who try to convince or force their wives to be their dominant are being abusive, for example. That is absolutely accurate from my experience as well. But, from my experience, they are not the majority of submissive men. And your generalizations about femdoms are just… mean spirited.

I don’t feel like writing a book to refute your claims is necessary. There are already some great books out there on the subject. But I felt the need to simply say this is not cool – skewering other women who may be different than you is not needed to promote your own perspectives.

My REPLY- YOU READ THE BOOK!!!! Wow! Thanks for the feedback! I knew this would happen at some point because I was very harsh in describing my view. If you read the intro, I explained that I had come up with a way to STOP men from abusing their wives with their kink and THIS is what I had to say to them for it to work properly. I had to paint this picture and it worked. For those with the goal of stopping this behavior, this may work for them.

I don’t regret using these ideas a tool and if it offends you, I am sorry. Never tried to. My goal is to show men how hurtful they are being. I am aware that this may cause people to dislike me or hate me and I am okay with that. I offered an extreme view on kink and BDSM that is NOT complimentary. But honestly, if I had a different experience with submissive men, I would have written a different book. And honestly, if I ever meet a man who labels himself submissive, I know to RUN. I have terror over interacting with these men after all of these years. The ones I meet are so kink driven and eager to overshare their kinky goals with me and I feel violated each time. I want to surround myself with GENTLEMEN instead.

And- I don’t know a single woman into femdom and painfully interacting with men who does it for her benefit. But I see your point and I accept the criticism and the wave of criticism from others that should come very soon. Yours will be the only one I reply to. And I’m done replying.

Added*** You know what? I could have made my point without describing women in this way. So far, I see no justifiable reason for women participating in femdom and I know NOT ONE woman who enjoys it for themselves. I could have done more research to find out why women like it but it was not a thought because it seems so abusive to me. I could have done better to represent the women who DO enjoy Femdom. I could have done better.

NOTE TO READERS- I stand by what I say and how I feel about men who call themselves submissive as described in the book The Enlightened Submissive. I do not even use the term submissive when describing men who enjoy FLR without kink because I don’t want to attract these type of kink-driven men who demand domination to this platform that I have taken so many years and used all of my professional skills to develop.

I would rather drop this platform completely than to be an advocate for men who demand domination and sexual kinks from women. I realized a long time ago that I was in for a battle because the concept of a FLR comes straight from the BDSM Community and I no longer associate myself with it solely because of the men who label themselves as submissive. Interacting with the majority of submissive men has made me feel sad, hopeless, violated and angry.

I want to promote the concept of LOVING Female Led Relationships and I plan to continue to do so, but I need for the conversation to happen to let submissive men KNOW that they are hurting women tremendously when they DEMAND their kinks be met by women.

This is the place for you to voice your opinions about my ideas. Anger, frustration and words of appreciation are all welcomed here. Do you hate what I have written? Do you want me to close down Loving FLR? Do you believe I should be run off the internet and my business should be shut down? Do you plan to boycott me or harass me on social media? Or…do you think that I am right and the conversation about submissive men who are aggressive with their attempts to turn women into their Dominatrixes needs to be discussed publicly?

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2 Responses to “Readers HATE The Enlightened Submissive -Book Review

  • I can only speak from experience and have not read the book. LovingFLR came into my life at the right time. I realize now that not only did my selfish “femdom ”motives ruin relationships but worse. it gravely damaged self concept and relationship with myself. Ironic, isn’t it, that it has such a strong connotation (femdom) and may very well have the opposite intentions?

    BDSM and femdom did lead me into a bad addiction. Without it, guess you might say it also led me toward LovingFLR.

    The book is on my reading list and I’ll read it with an open mind and a clearer head.

    Thanks for sharing the dialogue.

  • I haven’t read your book, but wanted you to know that I discovered lovingflr a few years ago and it changed my life. I was stressed and irritable after 30yrs married. Loving flr made me realize that I needed to put my wife first in everything and to do everything I can to show her I love her.
    I put her in charge of everything and I am now supper .
    I am a proud submissive husband without bdsm but just pure love for my wife.
    Please don’t shut down lovingflr.
    Thank you.

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