Should I Call Myself a Submissive?
I was wondering about the term ‘submissive’ in discussing the males in FLRs – I have always been uncomfortable with it – maybe I am in denial – but I am not sure its the right term to define the men in this community?
* I am totally under my wife’s authority and she makes all the major decisions in our family – usually after at-least conferring with me.
* I do not argue with her, talk back to her, or contradict/undermine her decisions.
* I now have altered my desires and personality to accept and conform to her likes and dislikes.
* I do what she tells me to do without debate or questioning it.
* I have learned to watch and love her interests, shows and books she reads (while still have some of my own).
* If she mentions she has to get something or do something I immediately try to see whether I can take care of it.
* When she tells me we have to reschedule an event or other intimate session because of her work, I try to show that its ok and to not make her feel any guilt.
* I have become a total feminist following her lead, believe in it, support it, (not that I was ever against it).
* I understand she is the head of our household – even if sometimes she allows for me to play that part.
* I am ok when she sternly tells me that I have done something poorly or made a poor choice – which I then truly try to change, not do it again, – without needing kink discipline.
* I help my wife in many ways to support her career, support her family, help her figure things out when she needs it.
Damn. Maybe I really am submissive? Can a man be totally submissive and still be strong in other ways or ‘be strong in his submissiveness?? Even though I am all of the above, and she loves my new vigor and redefinition as her ‘husband’ – she really would not want to call me submissive. I think it’s a term with the baggage of an S&M B&D fetish connection and meaning.
What could a better word be?
******
A better word would be a GENTLEMAN. The term submissive is mired in kink, femdom and pornographic demands. Read THE ENLIGHTENED SUBMISSIVE to learn why you should drop the submissive label and become a Gentleman.
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I think that submissive is accurate. But in the kink light, that often comes into play when speaking FLR to the unknowing, it is misleading. The first term that came to me was “devoted”. I was a devoted husband to my late wife. We did not have a FLR in the fullness that is is spoken here. She led where she was better (and then some) and I led where I was better. But all of the time we were devoted to God and eachother.
2 better words – subordinated -or- supportive. On the other hand, I’d like to re-emphasize what dave said…”she led where she was better…and i led where i was better” not to mention having a relationship with God. At this point, I see quite a number of things I don’t like about FLR’s, but while I am still in a learning mode, i will first educate myself further about just what i’m starting to get myself into… and BTW, I don’t see anything wrong with empowering women, although like everything else, the right BALANCE is always the key to achieving the best overall outcome…
I think that when describing ourselves instead of describing ourselves as submissive, we should use the label of under my wife’s authority. I realized that some men might find this label humiliating but we should be proud of being a follower of a female authority, just supporting and undermine her decisions.
I like being my wifes submissive. I am a strong aggressive person, and need and even stronger woman to keep me in the right direction. She is the wind in my sails and I am at her full disposal to accomplish all of her goals. We have a D/s relationship. That being said I AM NOT submissive to anyone else, and if pushed, I push back 10x harder. I am sort of a dick to be honest, and hate arguing with my best friend, so I submit to her as a gift for her magnificence as a human being that I have devoted my self to serving
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Words can be tricky. SUPPORTIVE is a good description of how I interact with women. I help. I listen. I suggest. I pay attention. But the word doesn’t describe how I feel. It does not describe WHY I behave this way. It doesn’t speak of the meaning it has for me.
SUPPORTIVE is a politically correct way to express how I behave but, at the same time, it hides something much more complex. It certainly doesn’t explain why my girlfriend is very DIRECTIVE with me.
Submissive has a negative history of kink (BDSM)to many women.The word “Gentleman” belongs to a different generation so I am thinking about “gentle male.” The word implies that her male is soft and gentle without being totally submissive and a door mat. Well, it is a thought anyway!!
I commented to someone today that I am the “passive” one in our relationship. It still doesn’t quite paint a complete picture of our relationship, but it fits better than submissive. The word submissive has baggage from the kink world that does a disservice to describing our relationship.
All good points. Words are important but sometimes one word isn’t enough: it either carries baggage that may not apply (“submissive”) or isn’t descriptive enough to capture the entire dynamic (“supportive”, “devoted”).
I like some of the language here on lovingflr: I’m a man who honors my lady’s choices and devotes myself to prioritizing her joy and fulfillment. That may mean I take the lead in areas that I excel but always with the goal of maximizing her fulfillment.
I refer to her as my “board of directors”: even if she has assigned me to be the CEO in certain areas, I ultimately still am accountable to her, and love that I am.
I like the word supportive and also empowering. My wife/Goddess has my complete support with anything she desires. Because I am a people pleaser, I enjoy making her smile and making her life easier. By showing through my actions every day, I have empowered her to fully lead our household and feel comfortable doing so.
For us, it feels natural now for my wife to direct what gets done, what the priorities are for that day/week, and for me to support her. It also has empowered her to continually raise the bar for me to meet her needs fully, daily, and enthusiastically. This empowerment she feels makes leading and directing me something she can do guilt free.
NICE. It’s what everyone should aspire to be. It’s what Christ called us to be.
I appreciate the way how devoted you are to your wife. The same happens in case of me. My wife always leaves me an entire A4 sheet of responsibilities that I should fulfill before she comes back home every day. And what I do is entirely from my heart, I try my best to do every single stuff she assigns me with. I’d never call myself the perfect Gentleman because I also have flaws that I’ve got no shame to discuss about. To some cases I feel myself inferior when she gets mad at me for some mistakes. Sometimes I feel insecure and afraid that she might leave me when she says I have shortages. Sometimes I believe that what I’m doing for her isn’t enough. But did she ever leave me alone heartbroken? No. Did she ever need to raise her voice or hands to beat me? No. Did she ever insult me if I failed to make her dinner or breakfast or even take care of her laundry on time? No.
The reason why I love an FLR is because I support my woman regardless of how much strength or time I have. I know that I’m serving her from my heart and not under pressure. She knows that what I am doing is the highest I can provide, and it is absolutely true. She knows that she wears the pants in the relationship, but did she ever leave me nude for that? No.
I have no shame to say that there is something in this world that I still haven’t mastered enough: cooking. There were some particular days when I decided to cook something special for her after an entire day of her own hard work at office. Turns out that it was either half burnt or the salt and spices were disproportionate. But she never got angry. Because after an entire day of sweeping, moping, laundry, gardening, plumbing, cooking and even taking care of her pet cats, she knew that I was too tired of listening to her rants anymore. I love her because she is strong and although she implements her own ideas (so far they have all been outstandingly effective) at work as well as home, she never ceases to surprise me by asking for opinions. If this beautiful home under which me and my cute wifey are living in was compared to the White House, she would be the President and me? Just an ordinary Secret Service guy. But yes, she loves me for my efforts. The delightful smile with dimples on her cherry red cheeks is what kills my pain, and that’s everything to me. My wife is undoubtedly the leader and the more powerful one, but to me: what God has blessed me with is more than Paradise.