Is Controlling a Man Necessary in a Loving FLR?

I received an email from a man who said that he had created a FLR with his girlfriend and he wanted to know if it was okay for her daughters to witness their relationship. I wrote back to tell him that he should definitely allow her daughters to witness their Loving FLR because it will inspire them.

Then he wrote me back to share this:

Her daughters and I had a meeting a few days ago and they told me that from that point on I would have to be completely obedient to each of them and be subject to be disciplined by each of them if they felt it was necessary. They said they wanted to let me know that in our household the females were in charge. Your thoughts?

I almost threw up.

Not only did this man tell a perfectly normal woman that being in a FLR means having the man be obedient to her and disciplined by her, she passed on this sick fantasy of his to women who could have truly benefitted from a Loving FLR.

If you are a woman doing research on Female Led Relationships and you want to learn how to create a Loving Female Led Relationship from scratch, let me tell you ONE RULE- DO NOT LISTEN TO THE MAN’S DESCRIPTION OF WHAT A FEMALE LED RELATIONSHIP SHOULD BE.

It is very likely that the man who has introduced you to the concept of a Loving Female Led Relationship is asking you to abuse him. He has a natural attraction to being controlled, abused and punished by women and he will try to turn you into a dominatrix to meet his need. It is NEVER considered a Female Led Relationship when a man convinces a woman to abuse him or control him. A Female LED Relationship does not mean that a woman controls the man, she controls the pace of the relationship and LEADS with her dedication to the progress of their family.

A Loving Female Led Relationship is a relationship that empowers women. How can a woman be empowered by abusing or controlling her partner. If she is seeking to meet HIS fantasy of being abused, controlled and punished, then it cannot be truly Female Led because she is following HIS demands to be abused.

I am sick of men on the internet who use this term to trick unsuspecting women into thinking that leadership means control and punishment. Leadership by means of controlling and punishing is a misogynistic trait. By teaching women that controlling and punishing is the basis of leadership, he is merely passing along the destructive, misogynistic traits that were instilled in him as a part of the gender role conditioning that he received from society.

Leadership is indicated by someone who steps up when there is a need and takes care of it without being asked. Leadership is making decisions based on the best interests of all involved. Leadership is deciding to be an example of what healthy love is. Leadership is NOT controlling another person and punishing them when they do not meet your expectations. That is abuse and there are many men who need abuse but won’t ask for it outright so they try to trick you into believing the abuse they need is called leadership. What leader do you respect demonstrates leadership by abusing the followers?

I hate this story this man wrote to me because it further pushes me from wanting to represent this relationship style. I am not an advocate for abuse. If all you are looking for is a woman to play out your dominatrix fantasy then please hire a professional. Do not do what this man did by tricking the woman into thinking leading a relationship means abusing him and passing along the sick mentality to her daughters.

If this was reversed we would ALL be sick to our stomachs watching a man force a woman to be obedient and punishing her if she is not. It doesn’t make it alright just because a woman is doing it.

Again, if a man shares a fantasy of a Female Led Relationship but all he describes is how much you will have to control and punish him, he is manipulating you to be his dominatrix for FREE. He is not a good person and not worth your time. A true, Loving Female Led Relationship is based on love and mutual respect. He regards her opinions highly and does what he can to ensure HER happiness and satisfaction. The woman shares HER vision for a successful relationship and they work together to achieve it. If his description is anything other than that, he is manipulating you to meet his need for abuse. If he does not ask you- What do you want from this relationship? He is asking you to perform his needs.

Order my new book- Loving Female Led Relationships – For Beginners. It really describes how to create a healthy, female centered relationship.