Is Monogamy The Best Indicator of Love?

It baffles me when I read articles about people who were devastated by infidelity and had to get a divorce and go to counseling for trauma. I mean, I understand that dishonesty is hurtful and sneaking around is deceitful and even cruel to a person who has promised to be vulnerable with you and trust you, but I don’t believe that having a sexual attraction to someone outside of your relationship and acting on it means you don’t love your partner.

I believe that you can be madly in love and devoted to a partner and find someone else attractive and love that person too. I believe that your love for one person doesn’t have to diminish the love you have for the other person. I don’t believe that ownership of someone’s sexual urges is the biggest indicator of love.

If monogamy were not a social expectation would there be so many divorces and emotional trauma that need healing?

I find it odd when a woman is with a man and gauges that he is a ‘good man’ because he doesn’t cheat. Why is monogamy considered to be the best indicator of being a good man (or woman)?

The truth is, some people like having multiple partners for sex and love. They can’t be true to themselves because of this lie that society has taught us that it’s wrong to be attracted to someone other than the person you have promised to love. They have to lie to themselves and their partners.

A woman should be free to tell her partner- I love you and I like him too. I want to enjoy you both.

A man should be free to share with his partner- I love you and I like her too and I would like to enjoy her with your permission.

But since life is so unpredictable, most people want so desperately to have control over something in their lives and unfortunately that demand for control is displayed on their partners.

I can’t control anything else in my life so I will control you!

I don’t think controlling your partner through the expectation of monogamy is the best indicator of true love. I believe the best indicator of true love is support for your partner’s happiness.

Each day a man in a Loving Female Led Relationship wakes up,
looks in the mirror and and decides that he will place the happiness of his partner as his priority. He knows that he may not get the specific dinner that he desires in order to place her happiness first. He understands that he may not be able to watch the movie he wants to see in order to place her happiness first. He accepts that he may spend the afternoon watching her shop and carrying her bag even though he would never choose that activity – because he wants to place her happiness first.

He understands that he will listen to her troubles. He will offer her his best advice. He will rub her feet. He will do research for her. He will say No to his desires for her. He will sacrifice for her. He will go after her dreams as though they are his own. And he wants to because he is devoted to being her support.


A woman in a Loving Female Led Relationship demonstrates true love for her partner by allowing him to support her and become an integral part of her life. She comes to depend on him in ways that she would never depend on anyone else. He becomes her foundation which makes her vulnerable because at any time he could decide he no longer wants to uphold what they have built together. She allows him to see her weaknesses so that he can be strong for her. She is patient with him. She guides him. She stands up for him. She makes the best decisions for BOTH of them and protects him from harm in every way that she can. She makes sure that he feels loved, appreciated and happy to be with her.


You can have sex with anyone, but you cannot have this type of supportive LOVE with everyone.

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2 Responses to “Is Monogamy The Best Indicator of Love?

  • I believe that being in love with your partner means nit sacrificing your happiness for theirs. Love is a two way street, and not a one way. There is some compromise, respecting your partners space, and not making him/her chose you over their self.
    I know the love of my life enjoys watching football, because I love him and want him to be happy everyday, I would never ask him to go shopping with me. Smothering is not love, control is not love….love is freedom and by me respecting him and his feelings he would go with me because he wants too, not because he felt obligated.
    We have a strong relationship because we listen to each when we are talking, when he casually mentions he saw something he wants, I make sure he gets it. When I mention I want something, he gets it for me. We are not in a FLR, we are in PLR a partner led relationship.
    A little goes a long way, and if two people are compatible it is not hard to agree on movies, dinner or activities. We take turns picking the movie, restaurants or activities and since we like the same thing or can compromise with each other, it is always a win win because we just want to be together.

    • This was so beautiful!!! Congrats on your partnership!

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